Friday, August 26, 2016

Little Tufts Of Grass

Zach and I have officially been living in our house for two months. About a month and a half ago, we laid down grass seed because our back yard is literally 1/2 weeds and 1/2 dirt. The 1/2 yard of dirt is right up next to the house where the dogs track it in so I've spent the better part of two months sweeping.  Every. Single. Day.  Sometimes multiple times a day. 

It's tiresome.  Especially if that's all you know.  (In fact, once I finish this post, I'm going to sweep for the second time today.)

It's even more so tiresome if in between sweepings, you're looking for jobs.  Going on job interviews to no avail. It has been exhausting mentally and emotionally.  From being told "Congratulations, welcome to our company. We're happy to have you aboard. We'll call you and set up your schedule," and then even after calling to confirm, no contact after that. Did the hiring manager accidentally get her fingers shut in a car door and can't dial the phone ever again? Receiving the dreaded "We're sorry, you're just not the right fit for us," email.  Or the worst of them all...radio silence. 

In all this hustle and bustle...I would periodically check to see if maybe...just maybe....the grass had started growing. It hadn't.  How could it?  If I watered it, the dogs would track heaps and mounds of mud into the house.  If I don't water it, it won't grow.  It wasn't growing.  The automatic sprinklers don't reach that area. 

And then...it happened again, in the midst of all of this crazy.  Two positive pregnancy tests.  Then the rain came.  Raining cats and dogs, if you will. And the tests stopped being positive like they have for the 4th time this year.  So in a sense, it was raining outside and inside. 

In the process of all this rain, the dogs needed to go out front where the sod was laid down. 3 dogs being shuffled outside, multiple times a day.  The weeds got so tall out back that in the mornings, I'd watch birds land on them.  It was so thick that once the dogs were out there, you could only see patches of brown and black through the dense greenery. Occasionally a dog face would pop up and smell the air.  The floor was going to need to be mopped anyways...why not let them out and back in to make a mess? They're happier when they're running around the mud like animals.  

After another failed job interview (at a coffee shop of all places, where the owner was overly concerned about the fact that I'm a military spouse, I move around a lot and I'm "not a real barista" as he put it), the rain had let up and I decided to mow down the 3 foot tall weeds. Something to make me feel better and like I had actually accomplished something for the day.  A scorpion in my boot had other plans for me.  Insult to injury, I suppose. And because that scorpion one upped me, I spent the day with a tingly arm and a tingly tongue. Is that normal?  I did not do the yard work I wanted. 

This week has actually been somewhat of a mess. I can't remember on which day I was laid up with a migraine or what day of the week it is. Well, except I know it's Friday. That much I do know, but only because that's what it says on my phone.  While watching the boonie dogs frolic in their jungle like habitat, I decided it was time. I was going to cut down those weeds.  With sheer determination, I grabbed the lawn mower and guided it through the house, being careful not to run into any doors or scrape any walls. The idiots that installed our fence didn't add a gate because they didn't think about it until the fence was up. (Spoiler alert: it was us.) 

The lawn got mowed...and Zach and I decided to do a bit more yard work. He ran the weed eater and I chopped down some trees with a dull machete. (Another spoiler alert: I don't recommend this method and I'm pretty sure husbands with clumsy,  accident prone wives will also not recommend this method either.)

Then something wonderful happened.  Zach called me over with the tone of utmost importance in his voice. 

"Look!!! The grass has finally started growing!"

And sure enough, it had.  Little tufts of baby grass sprouting up through the mud. 

I secretly tried to pretend that the tears were actually sweat because what kind of person cries over grass?  Apparently, I'm that type of person.  Especially with everything else going on.  All I could muster up was "This makes me so happy, our baby grass is growing" because I was choking back watering eyeballs.  Seriously, someone must have been cutting onions outside.  

Little tufts of baby grass sprouting all over our yard.  Had I mowed the day I was stung, I wouldn't have seen them. 

My mother always says "God is going to keep trying to teach you the same lesson until you learn it."  Not that I'm an overly religious person, patience is not one of my strong attributes.  I am a flawless dancer, have the perfect comedic timing during inappropriate situations where you shouldn't be funny and I can do 90's rap karaoke on the turn of a dime. I'm basically a gift to humanity.  It would only seem fitting that maybe little tufts of grass is what it took for me to learn my lesson in being patient.  

That and also waiting on a background check to start a new job.



Wednesday, August 24, 2016

The Guam Hangover

This has been a hard month.  I think harder than it should have been. Mostly because of my recent miscarriage but that's a story for another day.  I'm suffering from a Guam hangover.

"What is a Guam hangover?" you ask?

It's where you've lived on a tiny island for 4 years, then come back to the states and see that everything is different and you're having a hard time wrapping your head around it. It's when you go into 10 different places to apply for a job but they tell you to go home and use your computer because it's all online these days. You can't find a job because 200+ people are also applying for that same position you are.  You have to drive 70-80 mph when you're used to driving 40.  It's when you go to a restaurant and instead of ordering stuff from your server, you order on an iPad looking thing and see your server for all of 2 minutes of your 30 minute stay.  When you're asked to use a chip to pay for something and you're not even sure what a chip is...and you just thought it was decoration on your credit card.  Then you make an ass of yourself because you understand what the guy at Starbucks is saying, but you're not comprehending what he wants you to do.

Albeit, not a fair comparison, but I feel like Tom Hanks in Castaway. When he finally gets rescued and stands in the doorway flipping the light switches on and off again. The world progressed while I was stuck in a time vortex of warm weather, friends that became family and stunning beaches.  The whole world is spinning and I feel dizzy. Like a hangover, except less wine.

It's not all bad.  In fact, it's wonderful.  Antique stores, Hobby Lobby,  TARGET (it's in all caps because I love it), everyone ships to you, AMAZON PRIME (because I love that too), you're closer to your family,  and utility bills aren't anywhere near $400 a month for the lights you keep turned off to save on energy costs.

Although I'm not a fan of scorpions and the fact that I have to watch where I walk in my vast back yard because there might be rattlesnakes back there (I'm pretty sure there is because our backyard is literally brush, pokey trees, cacti and rabbits), and I also miss being able to drive 10 minutes to get a frozen cocktail on the beach.

What a transition, right?

In an effort to stave off my Guam hangover, I think I might drink some wine while binge watching Criminal Minds and give myself a real hangover to complain about :D

Hey, don't be judgey. Zach said I should enjoy this time off because it's not going to last for much longer.