Why are my dreams so crazy?

It's four a.m here in Guam.  I'm going to apologize right now for the spelling errors, non existent grammar and other thing because my poor eyes have not yet adjusted to the screen and also, I'm still kinda half asleep.

I had a bad dream.

I don't know if you remember the entry Nightmares of the not so horrific nature (read it, you may wet your pants having a laugh at my expense) so obviously, there's a theme to this entry.

I think this is what I get for watching Dave Chappelle, reading CNN and browsing Pinterest right before bed.  So I suppose I had this coming. I don't even know where to begin.

My dream starts out with ordering a round shots for my friends and I.  The bartender was kind of a douche and charged us 35 dollars for lower end shots.  I go to grab my wallet and when I come back, I notice my friend is drunk (I don't know how that happened since the dream just started) and she has the bartender by the neck of the shirt and is telling him that not only is he a shitty bartender, but she hates her life.

*Fast forward through the removal of us from the bar, paying my bar tab with Monopoly money, and wandering the streets of Guam/Puerto Rico/Pensacola while subsequently trying to get my friend to get her shit together because she's leaving her bags (because we just went shopping?) everywhere.  Here's where it actually gets interesting.

In a fit, my darling friend (who I'll name Veronica since I don't actually know this person in real life) takes off running while shedding her purse/shopping bags/leftovers on a random table.  After our other friend (whom I also don't know in real life) subdue her, I go back to the table to find a bunch of guys sitting at said table.  We converse for a little bit, they say they didn't take anything and before I know it, I look up and there is a tall Korean girl with too much makeup, a fake weave and an attitude staring down at us.

"Hey you girl want to be with boys? I have someting fo you!"

And then she angrily throws her McDonalds fried shrimp, still in the box, at my head.  Yeah, just take that in for a minute.  Of course, I'm not to be outdone so I calmly take my shoes off, set my purse down and say something to the affect of "Since y'all said you haven't stolen anything, you can watch my shit while I beat a bitch."

There was one opposition but the others were cheering me on because this crazy bitch was provoking a lion.  And seriously, who throws their fried shrimp at a random woman?  And why does she have all this makeup on?  All I know is, I'm about to wipe the floor with her (not knowing if it would cause more harm that good.)  So I start walking up the spiral staircase as I catch her halfway running up to the midway landing (this building is literally stairs) and she starts taking off her weave and fake eyelashes while provoking me in broken English.

"Oh girl, you want to be with boys, I mess you up.  Lemme take of my weave because I am going to keel you."

I use this opportunity to grapple with her, take her down in a sleeper hold/her head in a leg lock while she's biting my under thigh.  Who does this crazy biatch think she is?

After subduing her, I check her pulse to make sure she's still alive (which she is because I'm no killer and I was rather tuckered after fighting to get my legs around her neck).  Her makeup was off, her eyebrows removed, she was slumped up against a wall.  Sleeping peacefully, I might add. I decided enough was enough.

I walk back outside, answering questions to curious questions about what exactly went on in there.  "Did you kill her?"

"Hell no, do I look like the type of person who could do that?  I just taught her a mere lesson in fucking with people you don't know."

Then the one opposing gentleman rushes in to check on her and by this time, she's awake.  He brings her outside where she acts apologetic, crying a bit to heighten just exactly how bad I maimed her (which wasn't at all.  Not a scratch on her).  Being the bigger person, I gather my things (mostly because this time I feel like I really will be the bejesus out of her) and continue to my friends who have left me because I said I'd catch up.

I walk about 15 steps and this bitch throws her wallet at the back of my head.  I scream back to the group "I hope y'all saw that because I'm really going to fuck shit up now."

So the gloves come off and while we're in a heated tug of war over her wallet while she keeps screaming "It no hurt, it just cardboard!  Why you so angry white guh? Because I give you something? Oh you no like shrimp? Dat's okay, I beat you up instead."  I reach in and grab a five to give to the homeless man ( I didn't say this was a politically correct dream) who's running by, so maybe he decides to mug her.  Then he does mug her, which gives me ample time to run away but I don't get far.

And then (this is where Pinterest comes up and I don't even watch Dr. Who...yet anyways)  Daleks (which I'm not even sure what they really do, I'm sorry Whovians.) show up and start unloading their inner machine guns while I take to the ground.  When I get up, I scream "COVER ME!" even though everything is peaceful and no one is around...except Doug...and Skeeter.  Yeah that Doug and Skeeter.

And this is why I can't seem to sleep.  Why did she throw her shrimp at me?  Sweet Jesus.

Riley Writes

Zucchini noodles for us all! Hooray!

My cravings for pasta haven't subsided even though I have been steering away from it.  The other night I was craving spaghetti something fierce.  I asked Zach if he would make dinner and immediately regretted my decision to do so.  I figured he would stop by the commissary, pick up a frozen pizza and some of my other favorite non paleo items and we would have a feast of unhealthy epic proportions because I have loose morals and no self control.  All in all, that probably would have never actually happened.  It would have been tacos.

Instead I asked him to pick up spaghetti sauce and zucchini because I was finally going to make zucchini noodles!

All in all, it was incredibly easy, mostly labor free dinner that yielded awesome results.  I was able to eat dinner, get full and not feel disgusting after I ate my "noodles".

Basically, I julienned (is that the right word?) my zucchini, sliced it long ways with my mandolin slicer and then sliced it in to matchsticks.  Made my meatballs with some herbs (don't forget the sea salt and pepper as I always seem to do!) and put them in a covered pan to cook.  I heated up my skillet with some olive oil and garlic for the zucchini, cooked them til they were almost translucent and of course, didn't take a picture.

I used 4 medium zucchinis and a little over a pound of hamburger.  Be mindful of the sauce you choose.  Look at the ingredients.  If you can't pronounce it, it's probably not a whole/real food.  You can make your own spaghetti sauce by searching for recipes on Pinterest because I don't have that to provide to you.

So that's pretty much it.  Not my most amazing post but you get the picture :)

I'm cooking up some big things in my kitchen lately.  Stay tuned.
Xoxo
Riley Writes