Happy September & Labor Day Weekend. I hope the food was plentiful and the rest was restful! Quite a busy week at the Riley Residence if I do say so myself. Ever since moving to Pensacola, I have worked in the food/bar/restaurant industry and if any of you know what that's like, you'll know the schedules are extremely unforgiving and more often than not...the best holidays are the busiest and hardest to request off. This year was the first year I was actually able to appreciate and celebrate a Labor Day weekend without having to work because I am a stay at home partially domesticated bad-ass who still cannot drive a manual vehicle.
With that being said, Friday, Zach had a command picnic he needed to attend and being the dutiful and amazing wife I am, I attended as well. Since the event was catered, the squadron FRG (Family Readiness Group where I have never been to a meeting but I am a part of via Facebook) had asked on their page if the ever so wonderful spouses (including me because I am, in fact, wonderful) to make desserts. I was alllllll over it, I decided to make Cake Batter Rice Krispie Treats and my all time favorite cake recipe I discovered two months ago, Hersey's Chocolate Cake. I made the cake for our birthday extravaganza and it was a hit! It stayed moist, delicious and is quite mouth watering. So I was all "Oh, I can make that cake because I'm awesome at it and everyone will love the Cake Batter Rice Krispies because you can't mess those up even if you DON'T read the directions all the way through." I knew I had the cake down so I didn't make a test run of that because you can't really mess it up. You're probably thinking "You can't mess up rice kripies either dumbass..." Well, in this case, you would be wrong.
There is such a thing as overcooking your marshmallows. It makes the rice krispies hard and not edible depending on how much you like your gums because it turns the rice krispies into jagged little gum killers. I can be pretty determined when I want to be and I was pretty determined to eat those rice krispies. I did. You know what? I couldn't eat anything hard for two days because of the damage inflicted upon my sweet and tender loving gums. I nailed the second batch but we'll get there in due time.
When we moved in, the previous people that lived here left a glass cutting board and a mini muffin tin plus a colored pencil but I didn't keep that. Thursday while I was preparing my batter to make this amazing cake, I had an aha moment!
"Since there will be lots of people at this picnic, I'll make mini cupcakes instead! They'll go farther and I'll be famous! Oh....but I don't have any mini cupcake papers *Sad face* That's okay! I'll just use Pam and flour like they did in the good ol' days! Rachele, you are one brilliant sexy beast and you're really really ridiculously good looking in those rainboots and apron you made 5 years ago with your stick figure self portrait and name spelled incorrectly."
In most homes I have lived in, the heat from the oven radiates up to the top of the stove. Actually...I think all of the homes. Before I made the batter, I made the rice krispie treats and of course, put them on the "only" counter space I had available. You know, the top of the stove. Also, I like to sing to myself. If you know me at all, you know I make up songs for everything. Like New Girl except I have been doing it since waaaay before the show came on tv.
"La de da doooo da makin mini cupcakes sucks. Doooooo deee daaaaahhhh this is really tedious, havin to wash the pan out each time yeah. I hate your face mini cupcake tin yeah. I hope you kinda die in the dishwasher yeah because I'm not cleanin you up no mo yeah. Why is there always a miiiiiddddget cupcake in the tin because you can't win em all ohhhh yeaaaaah."
Zach: "Hey babe, are you in there singing about making cupcakes?"
"Mind your own damn business Riley. I'm in my kitchen and not all up in yo business out there. Why you tryna be up in my grill while I'm making mini cupcakes yo? You is actin a fool dawg."
Zach: "Jesus, some days I wonder why exactly I married you."
But he said it while he was laughing which leads me to believe he was partially joking. 98.5% of the conversations between my husband and myself are something of the above nature. Never a dull moment, I tell you!
Anyways, so after about 75 of these mini cupcakes (roughly two hours) are made, I realize the rice krispies are still on top of the oven but by the time I get there, it's too late. The marshmallows were melted down to the bottom. Once they cooled off, they were unable to be salvaged and sent to live out the rest of their days on the counter, alone in the world with no friends.
I frost the mini cupcakes, dabbling in a few here and there along with my husband for quality control. We couldn't have anyone getting sick now, could we?
"I haaaate frosting mini cupcakes yeahhhhh. Mini cupcakes, you're the deeeeevilllll and never again yeaaaaah."
* Some Mature/Inappropriate Subject Matter That is Detrimental to Getting You To Understand The State of My Mini Cupcakes. If you're offended easily, you should shy away from the last two sentences.
The next morning, we wake up bright and early to head to the beach. I prayed for a safe arrival at our destination. They got smooshed all to hell annnnd the frosting melted and it may or may not have looked rather inappropriate but we won't discuss that any further...the frosting was white. Draw your own mature conclusions.
"I quit, I'm done. I'm never showing my face at an FRG meeting, I'm going back to bartending and cooking mac n cheese in the microwave. I am sure I will never be domesticated fully. I'm not cut out for this Suzy Homemaker crap. I don't even separate my colors when I do laundry! I'm like a wolf, I can be a pet but in the end, I'm still a wild and rabid creature who hates to fold clothes."
"Babe, you're overreacting and being ridiculous. Why can't you just put them out there? I don't understand why you're making such a big deal over this?"
"BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE (This is where you insert your maturely drawn conclusions) ALL OVER IT AND I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE PEOPLE THINK SOMEONE DID NASTY THINGS TO MY CUPCAKES AND THAT I ALLOWED IT!"
He's always the voice of reason but mostly because I think he needs to be because sometimes I'm sure he wants to strangle me. Which is okay because it would be out of love and thoughtfulness. In the end, they remained exactly where they were...in the bed of Zach's truck where I force fed a few of them to Zach's co-workers. And by force fed, I mean I kind of guilt tripped them so I didn't feel like a complete failure.
I suppose you really can't win them all. Next time I'm probably just going to spike the punch. That should make everyone happy.
Xoxo
Riley Writes
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