The Pot Roast Predicament

Some things are just better left unsaid.  However, I feel like maybe somehow, somewhere, I can help some poor housewife somewhere suck less at housewifey duties because she can show her husband this blog and say  "See honey, I'm not a total failure!  At least I can make a pot roast in the crock pot."

I feel like I should be writing this blog with a hearty class of champagne in my hand instead of green tea because not only is it that time of the day....it's also a lot easier to admit your shortcomings while drinking a carbonated sparkling alcoholic beverage with a hint of orange juice.  Also, I am out of champagne and I think my husband may frown upon me being belligerently bubbly while trying to bench press meager weights and complete a WOD without throwing up.

Okay, here goes....I can't make a pot roast.  I have no idea why.  Why not me God, why?  For my birthday this year, one of my closest friends here in Guam bought me a slow cooker.  So far, the tally for making delicious slow cooker meals is Slow Cooker: 124590 - Rachele: 2.  But only because I can't seem to follow directions which has been an issue since kindergarten and I'm basically inept at cooking a lot of things.  I've attempted a pot roast three times.  The first time was my first pot roast ever.  Epic fail. Who messes up a pot roast?  Apparently, the same person who cannot for the life of her make rice krispie treats.  

My mother gave me the first recipe.  "Oh it's simple, put 2 envelopes of onion soup, veggies, add some water and cook it on low for eight hours or even overnight!"  

Can't screw this up.  Nope.  Dry as the Sahara desert.

The second pot roast was ruined because I was socially drinking mimosas on a Saturday night alone while my husband was at a squadron Hail & Bail.  I may have exceeded my maximum to function of two mimosas and instead of flipping the top of the seasoning open, I may or may not have emptied the whole bottle (which was full of course) of seasoning into the pot roast. 

I have no earthly idea why it wouldn't turn out.

This latest one that happens to be cooking at this very moment is actually perfectly tender and moist.  I rubbed the roast *giggle, because that sounds dirty* with olive oil, garlic salt, fresh garlic and some steak rub that smells utterly amazing.  Add veggies and some chicken broth because that's all I had on hand and oh yeah....don't forget the salt.

Whaaaat?  Who said anything about salt?  Who didn't say anything about salt? Perfectly moist and perfectly....bland.

We may just do as we've done the few before and put it in a bowl "for tomorrow night"  and then conveniently forget it's in the fridge for two weeks.

It's a good thing that guy married me for my sparking personality and not my cooking abilities.
Xoxo
Riley Writes