But it's rarely ever dull. I'm crazy. I say a lot of random and inappropriate things quite often and every once in a while, I don't think things through. It also means having conversations like this:
R: "Ugh, Zachary Tri-Rob Riley....my bladder is completely full and I think I might pee myself."
Z: "Babe, we literally just left the restaurant....I can see it in the rear view mirror. Why didn't you go there?"
R: "Well....because there is only a single bathroom and the whole restaurant was packed so there was probably someone in there and I didn't want to wait."
Z: "So you wanted to wait the whole ride back home....that's about 30-45 minutes?"
R: Well, my plan was to pee on the side of a random building outside of the restaurant but on my way over there, I saw very tall grass and that most likely means snakes plus there are people outside and even though Eryn said she'd keep a lookout for me, I just couldn't do it because I saw cars coming both ways. So, I guess I'm holding it but oh my God AVOID THE BUMPS! I'm going to unbutton my pants to relieve the pressure. Nope, didn't work....still have to pee my shorts."
Z: "I can't avoid them, they're everywhere and you're being ridiculous."
R: "Do you have a bottle? I'm gonna do it. I need a bottle."
Z: "Don't you dare..."
This whole conversation actually happened in case you were curious....but the best part comes after he dared me to pee in a bottle...at least that's how I took it.
R: "You don't call me ridiculous, you're ridiculous and I'm just going to pee all over your face then you'll feel bad because, well, I peed on your face and you'll see just how bad I had to pee.
Z: "You're gross and I'm breaking up with you."
R: "Fine then, break up with me....wait, for how long are we talking? The whole way home or for the rest of the evening? Because if you're breaking up with me for the ride home, I'm going to flirt with the guy in the truck. He has a wedding ring on but I secretly think he's into me and we're broken up so he's fair game."
Z: "Jeeezus. I think for the evening."
R: "Is this because I said I'd pee on your face....because I won't actually do that. Your foot maybe, not your face. Are you even aware of how difficult it would be to maneuver that? But I love you."
Z: "Don't be all sweet to me, I love you too but you're not getting out of it that easy."
R: "Oh hey boy, listen, my husband and I are broken up for the evening, you wanna piece of this? Fi dolla make you holla. Ohhh booooy what colah you like?"
Z: "Jeezus pleeezus what have I gotten myself into?"
Then we started laughing uncontrollably which made it even harder to contain my baby bladder. I didn't pee myself but I made him stop at the gas station two minutes from our house because I really don't know if I could have made it over the speed bumps. I literally waddled into the gas station.
Maybe next time I'll just use the bathroom.
Xoxo
Riley Writes
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