The not so paleo and lazy Riley (Ahem, me)

Simultaneously writing two blog posts, attempting to clean the house and Facebooking?  Call me Capt. Multitasker.  Okay, don't call me that because it isn't true.  Except I am doing all of the above....kind of.  Whatever.  I think it would make it all tolerable if I filled that fishbowl I call a wine glass with champagne however, I believe it's a little early for that.  Depending on what part of the world you're in.

There is a lot going on in my kitchen at the moment.  Because in the time it took me to write that first paragraph and start two other blog post drafts on top of the two already going....I managed to finish the dishes and start making some sweet potato chips (recipe at the bottom if you read that far).  If you haven't noticed recently, I haven't really blogged about food or Crossfit.  Well (insert sad face), that's because we haven't been going and haven't been eating paleo.  "*Gasp!*  You what?!?  But that's all you talk about!  How could you?"

Well, let me explain.  This past month and a half, I have been feeling severely under the weather.  I get headaches a lot and have been feeling extremely worn down to the point it was taking me two-three days to recover from a semi difficult workout.  It was worse than usual and it was getting to the point I couldn't handle it.  I would come home exhausted and immediately get a headache.  The headache would last for two to three days so naturally, I had no desire to go back to the gym or make dinner so we would eat out a lot.  Especially since Zach wasn't getting home til late either.  Being tired and having headaches is something that I'm not a stranger to so I didn't think much of it.  It's been going on since high school.  I went to the doctors for girly crap and he asked if there was anything else I needed.  I mentioned that since thyroid issues run in my family (all the women on my mother's side) and I wouldn't mind being checked out for that if I could.

Long story short, does anyone have a can opener because I need a can of worms opened?

Then I came down with a headache that lasted five days, semi ruining the fun weekend we had ahead of us.  It didn't completely ruin it because I powered through but let me tell you what....it was horrible.  I took enough pills to overdose a small child and nothing worked.  Hot bath, heating pad, cold pack, sleep, lots of water, Tylenol, Advil, Tylenol PM,  Ibuprofen, Motrin, Bayer Migraine....you name it, nothing worked.  At best, the pain subsided to a dull ache instead of feeling like the side of my face was in a vice grip being tightened by the second.

When the doctor called to confirm what I had already known for a while (my thyroid is all jacked up) so they put me on thyroid medication, I told him about my headaches and that I needed to get in as soon as possible.  Met with the doctor and he suspected migraines even though the headaches were nothing like the migraines I used to get (think being completely keeled over in pain and avoiding bright lights like a vampire because the sunlight hurts your eyeballs and you can't keep food or water down).  He prescribed me a daily pill to help out with the migraines and a headache pill just in case I come down with a doozy.  He said if they were in fact migraines, I shouldn't be having them taking these pills but if they were regular headaches, these pills would do nothing.  I guess he knows what he's talking about.

I am happy to report that I don't always need a nap in the middle of the day and I haven't had a headache (apparent migraine) since.  I still like to take naps though.  The thyroid medicine says it takes a few weeks for it to actually take effect.  Zach says he's married to a different person...but a good person, one that he likes because she smiles a lot.  Not the person he's married to when it's that time of the month....he doesn't like her all that much.

With this fabulous new news, I now have the energy to do crap!  Like spend a day cooking in the kitchen.  So today, because the commissary finally had sweet potatoes, I am making sweet potato chips because they are delicious and paleo.  Prepare yo'selves for an influx of recipes starting with this one!

Sweet Potato Chips

What you will need:

Sweet Potatoes

Cinnamon

Coconut or Olive Oil

Peel those awkward veggies if you so choose. 

Slice those biatches up to desired thickness.

Preheat oven to 250-375.  I prefer 250 but it takes longer.  Who cares?  I don't have a job!

Add oil and cinnamon to slices. Throw that junk in a bowl and toss to coat.

Lay it out on a cookie sheet like a boss! 

Put that crap in the oven and do other stuff because you're a mofo-in multi-tasker.

Turn them over when they start to brown, pull them out when they're crispy.

You. Are. Welcome.

Xoxo

Riley Writes

A special thanks and some updates

So I started a post like two weeks ago thanking y'all for almost a thousand page views.  Today....I'm at zero.  Not sure how that happened so here's my dilemma, do I thank you or pretend this never happened?

I believe I would like to thank anyone and everyone who has read this blog at any given point in time even though I more than likely force fed it to you via Facebook.  It means a lot to me that someone would take time to read what I write and I appreciate it. I was going to do some sort of giveaway thing like other people do on their blogs for a certain amount of followers/views buuut I think I weaseled my way out of that one.

Sincerely, I mean it.  Thank you.  I love to write and it gives me warm fuzzies to know that some one likes to read it.  It gives me motive to write more and work towards my ultimate goal of writing a book.  I appreciate you!

Now onto the good stuff!  I know it's been forever since I've actually posted something and it's been for a good reason.  I gave up blogging for Lent.  Maybe that isn't exactly true because I'm not Catholic.  Also, it isn't Lent.  We have been super ridiculously busy.  Every weekend for the past few weeks and even during the week, we have had stuff going on and let me tell you what, when I wasn't showing the water park my lady lumps or having a nasty headache, I was in bed sleeping.

This weekend it was the Navy Ball, last weekend it was the water park and I forget what else because I'm like a goldfish with a small attention span.  Oh yeah, it was my friend's birthday!  We hung out downtown at a fancy little bar I'm in love with where someone recognized my Chive shirt!  That Monday, the clinic that Zach works at paid for all of us to go to the water park and have a nice lunch.  I would be the one to flash Zach's coworkers, get a bloody nose from face planting the water so hard I was disoriented and  get so much water up every orifice I couldn't tell if I was coming or going.  I was sure we were going to have to remove my bikini bottoms from my rear with some sort of surgical procedure because they were jammed up there in no man's land so far I thought if I coughed....I may be able to procure them through my mouth.  That would have been one hell of a parlor trick.  But seriously?  Who does that?  Who gets injured multiple times at a water park?  I have the worst luck when it comes to that kind of thing.  It never fails.  I can think of at least 7 instances where something bad happened to me while enjoying parks of the water persuasion.

The Navy Ball was grand!  We got a hotel room on the beach in a hotel that was nice. Upon arrival, we were greeted by the smell of Chinese food and old people.  Which was extremely pleasant if you like Chinese food and geriatric homes.  Our room was nice, needing to be updated and the light switches were a little difficult to figure out.  Light switches everywhere turning on random lights and appliances! The view was pretty breathtaking which was to be expected....what was not expected was the brown smears next to the bed.  It looked like poo.  Or the construction that was taking place at 7 a.m both mornings which of course, Zach slept through.  I believe next time, we'll spring for the Hilton.

It was however, wonderful to hang out with my husband without any interruptions.  We went on a date at the fancy TGI Fridays and shared some cocktails then watched the waves crash over the beach and lightening light up the sky at The Beach Bar.  Of course while sharing more cocktails because we didn't have to drive.  It was great...even the hour and a half we spent talking about how much we missed our dear furry assholes.  Wait...what?  Don't be gross, I was talking about our dogs.

Anyways, so I'm sure this week I will have more antics to report, especially since my new thyroid medicine and beta blockers are working.  Haven't had a headache and I have noticed an increase albeit small, an increase none the less, in energy.  Happy camper!  :)

Xoxo
Riley Writes

Just some links and some stories, my favorite things!

Since this is my blog and it's dedicated to sharing my wins, fails, weirdness, oddities and endearing qualities for all to know, I have decided to share a few of my all time favorite things.

The inspiration for this post today was brought upon by finally receiving my Post Secret and Other People's Love Letters books!  Ever since I was a young girl, I have always been curious in other peoples' stories.  I often wonder what makes them tick or why they do certain things.  When I meet someone, I often am fascinated by what their lives were like, are like and what secrets they hold because it shapes them in one way or another. I don't ask because that's impolite but I consider myself the luckiest person in the world if someone decides to share.  Part of sharing secrets is the bond and trust you develop with one another.  But be wary with whom you share with....not everyone sees these as priceless mementos and tokens of a relationship.

I don't remember when I first discovered Post Secret but I have been obsessed ever since.  It started out as an art project.  A man by the name of Frank Warren handed out blank post cards with simple instructions to creatively share a secret with a return address to his personal place of residence.  It took off and every since Sunday he posts a small collection of secrets that were sent into him.  Every Saturday night (meaning the early hours of 4-6 a.m Sunday morning) when I would come home from work, it didn't matter how utterly exhausted I was, I would check Post Secret Sunday.  I knew it would be there in the mornings but I had a compulsion to check because it brought me so much joy. The secrets could be from any one of us.  Your neighbor, your mother....even your significant other and you wouldn't even know. That's the beauty of them.  It makes you feel less alone and unites us in the fact that we all have our secrets.  

Dear Old Love by Andy Selsberg came to me as a recommendation from Amazon.  It was only 5 or 6 bucks and it had high ratings so I decided to give it a go.  I didn't realize it would change the way I have viewed every relationship I have ever had.  Everyone has that one thing they would like to say to someone they used to love.  After reading the book, I felt like weight was lifted off of my shoulders.  I knew I wasn't alone in feeling saddened by the loss of my relationship.  It made me feel better in knowing that someone else out there was feeling like it wasn't over because certain things were left unsaid.  I have never personally submitted to Dear Old Love but if I did...I would say  "I detest everything you are, everything about you. You're a selfish asshole and I hope you break your arm in a few different places.  But thank you for treating me like shit because I now know what it's like to be loved and appreciated by a real man."  

Back when in my administrative days (before I realized I was better at telling people to eff off than being at beck and call), I was fortunate enough to finish my workload within the first 2-3 hours of work on most days.  That's a lot of hours with not enough fingers to count, left for various things..  That left me with ample time to scour the ends of the interwebs and stumble upon my oldest and favorite gem Found Magazine.  Maybe this is where the obsession started.  Found Magazine is a plethora of items found in various places.  Love notes, photos, grocery lists and everything else on this site was once previously loved, cared for, purposely tossed aside, accidentally forgotten or just plain ignored and then found by some unsuspecting person. So many intriguing things, I would read until I felt my eyes were bleeding.  I even found a book list that I was so curious about, I printed it and set out to read every book on the list.  I read most of them and still have the list around somewhere.  I can't bring myself to throw it away because it's unfinished and even when it is finished, will I want to throw it out?  It's odd that such a small thing made such a profound impact on my life.  

I have been nose deep in Post Secret all night so I haven't read Other People's Love Letters.  It's like Christmas, knowing that I have all day tomorrow during this upcoming storm to soak it all in.  

It's so astonishing that seemingly simple ideas have established a revolution.  Then again, that's how most revolutions start, don't they?  The men, women and people who had the courage to submit to the aforementioned websites and books have brought people from all over the world, together by encouraging them to share bits and pieces of their lives.  It proves that there is someone out there, who understands and makes you realize that you are not alone.  It's an invisible support system for you to lean on and learn from.  

I can only dream of one day starting such a revolution that helps millions....even if it's a small gesture as asking for a secret or paying someone a compliment.

That's all.
Riley Writes

You cook? Who are you trying to fool here?

I've been doing "a lot" lately.  That's only kind of true which is why it's in quotations.  Think of them as finger quotes with a side of eye winking in your general direction.  That's why I haven't written much lately. Whatever, I don't have to answer to you. ;)

Today I feel like sharing a recipe.  A while back ago, I was looking for a delicious paleo meat loaf recipe and I found one that was kind of odd....it's called the Paleo Protein Meatloaf.  It has hard boiled eggs in the middle and smothered in bacon.  I did my own little variation and added bell peppers, celery, onions and other random items because that's they way I like to do things.  I digress.  Lately, I have been wanting to try stuffed bell peppers and tonight, I did just that.  It's rocking my socks and it isn't even out of the oven yet.  The reason I bring up the Paleo Protein Meatloaf is because I loved the hard boiled egg in the center....it was the most delicious meat loaf I have ever made that is actually pretty healthy for you.

I "Pinterested" (I'm turning that into a word like 'googled') different recipes to see what I should do with the peppers and what to bake them at.  Basically it's whatever you want at 325-375 for 15 to 30 minutes depending on if your precooked your meat (which I suggest).  It's a universal recipe...I'm leaving it opened ended.  If I can make it and make it edible, so can you!

I present Paleo Stuffed Bell Peppers With Other Stuff Too!

You will need:
Bell peppers - I used green for the stuffed bell peppers and diced up red ones for the meat mixture.  I also cut my peppers in half instead of cutting the tops off.  Personal preference.
Onions - However many you like, I'm not the boss of you....but I'm not going to be kissing you later so be mindful of that if you're looking for tonsil hockey after dinner.
Celery - One stalk should be good....minced or chopped.
Ground beef - One pound for 3 people.  I used beef.
Bacon - As many slices as you would like.
Hard boiled eggs - I used a half an egg per bell pepper.
Sriracha - Not too much....maybe a tablespoon.  If you've never had it before and are allergic to awesomeness....you should probably not put it in dinner because it will burn your face off.  Click on it and visit the link.  You won't regret it.  Oh, I don't think it's paleo....but I also don't think you care.
Garlic - I used three cloves because I will not be playing tonsil hockey after dinner more than likely.
Garlic Salt - I just like that crap.
Johnny's Seasoning - You probably don't have it if you aren't from the Pacific Northwest or whatever....and you're missing out but it isn't vital.  Just use salt and pepper.

Directions:

• Preheat oven to whatever you want. 325-375
• Cut up all your crap and put it in a bowl.  I meant the veggies....
• Brown ground meat of your choice.  Add Johnny's/Salt & Pepper and Garlic Salt
• Slice/cut the tops off the bell peppers and remove seeds and junk.  Blanche peppers.  That means boil them for two minutes then transfer them to ice water or what have you.
• Did you boil the eggs?  Remove the shell, cut in half and place in bell pepper.
• Drain meat, mix with veggies and Sriracha if you haven't already and spoon it into the peppers.
• Cover with as much bacon as your little heart desires.  Wrap it all the way around or lay it on top.  
• Put your amazing dinner in the oven and cook it til you're heart is content and the bacon is brown.  
• Pour yourself a glass of champagne because you just picked up new wine glasses....or if you didn't then don't.
• Pull it out whenever and tell you're spouse/significant other/ best friend how awesome you are in the kitchen and that you're pretty proud you didn't have an exact recipe and you didn't muck it up. 

You. Are. Welcome.

Xoxo

Riley Writes

Update:  I highly suggest putting a raw egg and some ground flax meal to keep the meat together.  Other than that, it was as delicious as I thought it was going to be.

A tutorial? Hooray!

Hello ladies and gents,

Today I have decided after a lengthy stay in the kitchen this evening, I may start doing tutorials depending on this one's rating.

Tonight's tutorial is:

"How to not suck in the kitchen in Ten Steps".

Step One:  Find recipe that you think you can make.

Step Two:  Realize you don't have all of the ingredients but make it anyways because you're just that awesome.

Step Three: Start running the water for the dishes you're going* to do while cooking dinner. (* Not really)

Step Four:  Turn on some good music on Pandora and turn the TV on and press mute because you can't hear your music over the dogs barking at their reflections in your TV.

Step Five:  Add more random shit to your recipe because you know it's not going to turn out.  Like fruit....fruit goes with chicken sometimes.  Like tonight.

Step Five 1/2:  Decide to blog about how awesome you are in the kitchen.  

Italics means sarcasm.

Step Six:  Realize water has been running the whole entire time and you have two feet of bubbles, a full sink and water all over your counters.  Simultaneously, start cleaning it up forgetting about the sizzling chicken you can't hear because there are barking dogs, music and your stream of profanity.

Step Seven:  Yell at female dog for humping her older male sibling.

Step Eight:  Forget about dishes because they probably aren't going to get done because you may not suck at dinner but you ace sucking at multitasking.

Step Nine:  Crack open that bottle of celebratory champagne because you single-handedly saved dinner.

Step 9 3/4*:  Stare out the window and gaze at how fast the weather changed and is an utter torrential downpour....then start cussing because you remember you left your dog outside because she was being an asshole.

* 'Arry Pottah reference :D I prefer to say it with an accent because it tickles my fancy.

Step Ten:   Enjoy that champagne and tell husband that you came up with dinner on your own because you're just that amazing at being a wife/spouse/slave or what have you.  Don't tell him/her you found the recipe on Pinterest because he will inevitably say "Uhh...Another Pinterest recipe? Remember what happened last time?"

Hope you enjoyed this tutorial.  Want more?  Well then I'll probably write more.  I can make a tutorial out of  anything.  Just slap my ass and call me Etsy ;)

Xoxo
Riley Writes

The Pot Roast Predicament

Some things are just better left unsaid.  However, I feel like maybe somehow, somewhere, I can help some poor housewife somewhere suck less at housewifey duties because she can show her husband this blog and say  "See honey, I'm not a total failure!  At least I can make a pot roast in the crock pot."

I feel like I should be writing this blog with a hearty class of champagne in my hand instead of green tea because not only is it that time of the day....it's also a lot easier to admit your shortcomings while drinking a carbonated sparkling alcoholic beverage with a hint of orange juice.  Also, I am out of champagne and I think my husband may frown upon me being belligerently bubbly while trying to bench press meager weights and complete a WOD without throwing up.

Okay, here goes....I can't make a pot roast.  I have no idea why.  Why not me God, why?  For my birthday this year, one of my closest friends here in Guam bought me a slow cooker.  So far, the tally for making delicious slow cooker meals is Slow Cooker: 124590 - Rachele: 2.  But only because I can't seem to follow directions which has been an issue since kindergarten and I'm basically inept at cooking a lot of things.  I've attempted a pot roast three times.  The first time was my first pot roast ever.  Epic fail. Who messes up a pot roast?  Apparently, the same person who cannot for the life of her make rice krispie treats.  

My mother gave me the first recipe.  "Oh it's simple, put 2 envelopes of onion soup, veggies, add some water and cook it on low for eight hours or even overnight!"  

Can't screw this up.  Nope.  Dry as the Sahara desert.

The second pot roast was ruined because I was socially drinking mimosas on a Saturday night alone while my husband was at a squadron Hail & Bail.  I may have exceeded my maximum to function of two mimosas and instead of flipping the top of the seasoning open, I may or may not have emptied the whole bottle (which was full of course) of seasoning into the pot roast. 

I have no earthly idea why it wouldn't turn out.

This latest one that happens to be cooking at this very moment is actually perfectly tender and moist.  I rubbed the roast *giggle, because that sounds dirty* with olive oil, garlic salt, fresh garlic and some steak rub that smells utterly amazing.  Add veggies and some chicken broth because that's all I had on hand and oh yeah....don't forget the salt.

Whaaaat?  Who said anything about salt?  Who didn't say anything about salt? Perfectly moist and perfectly....bland.

We may just do as we've done the few before and put it in a bowl "for tomorrow night"  and then conveniently forget it's in the fridge for two weeks.

It's a good thing that guy married me for my sparking personality and not my cooking abilities.
Xoxo
Riley Writes

Being married to me isn't easy

But it's rarely ever dull.  I'm crazy.  I say a lot of random and inappropriate things quite often and every once in a while, I don't think things through.  It also means having conversations like this:

R: "Ugh, Zachary Tri-Rob Riley....my bladder is completely full and I think I might pee myself."

Z:  "Babe, we literally just left the restaurant....I can see it in the rear view mirror.  Why didn't you go there?"

R: "Well....because there is only a single bathroom and the whole restaurant was packed so there was probably someone in there and I didn't want to wait."

Z: "So you wanted to wait the whole ride back home....that's about 30-45 minutes?"

R:  Well, my plan was to pee on the side of a random building outside of the restaurant but on my way over there, I saw very tall grass and that most likely means snakes plus there are people outside and even though Eryn said she'd keep a lookout for me, I just couldn't do it because I saw cars coming both ways. So, I guess I'm holding it but oh my God AVOID THE BUMPS! I'm going to unbutton my pants to relieve the pressure.  Nope, didn't work....still have to pee my shorts."

Z:  "I can't avoid them, they're everywhere and you're being ridiculous."

R: "Do you have a bottle?  I'm gonna do it.  I need a bottle."

Z: "Don't you dare..."

This whole conversation actually happened in case you were curious....but the best part comes after he dared me to pee in a bottle...at least that's how I took it.

R:  "You don't call me ridiculous, you're ridiculous and I'm just going to pee all over your face then you'll feel bad because, well, I peed on your face and you'll see just how bad I had to pee.

Z:  "You're gross and I'm breaking up with you."

R: "Fine then, break up with me....wait, for how long are we talking?  The whole way home or for the rest of the evening?  Because if you're breaking up with me for the ride home, I'm going to flirt with the guy in the truck.  He has a wedding ring on but I secretly think he's into me and we're broken up so he's fair game."

Z:  "Jeeezus.  I think for the evening."

R: "Is this because I said I'd pee on your face....because I won't actually do that.  Your foot maybe, not your face. Are you even aware of how difficult it would be to maneuver that?  But I love you."

Z: "Don't be all sweet to me, I love you too but you're not getting out of it that easy."

R: "Oh hey boy, listen, my husband and I are broken up for the evening, you wanna piece of this?  Fi dolla make you holla.  Ohhh booooy what colah you like?"

Z:  "Jeezus pleeezus what have I gotten myself into?"

Then we started laughing uncontrollably which made it even harder to contain my baby bladder.  I didn't pee myself  but I made him stop at the gas station two minutes from our house because I really don't know if I could have made it over the speed bumps.  I literally waddled into the gas station.

Maybe next time I'll just use the bathroom.

Xoxo
Riley Writes