You're so sweet, potato.

Thou art sweet, like a sweet potato treat. 

Three guesses on what this post is about.  I'll give you a cookie...or a sweet potato "brownie" if you get it right.  

Okay, well I'm sure that wasn't too difficult.  Anyways, let's talk about sweet potatoes!  I have never really liked them.  Candied yams at Thanksgiving?  No thanks.  My love affair with sweet potatoes actually started with my dog having terrible gas.  I know, gross.  In an effort to soothe the savage beast's disgusting rear end, I had to tackle the grains in his diet.  After reading a ton of stuff about how dog's have an issue processing grains and how most dog foods have grain by-products and fillers (It's funny because humans are the same way), I was kind of disgusted and upset that I was unknowingly feeding my babies foods that upset their tummies. 

Long story short, I decided to start making sweet potato treats for them instead of the treats that made it smell as if something had died in our house.  As the smells of baking sweet potato chips wafted through the house, I couldn't help but be curious why they went so crazy for them.  They would literally sit in the kitchen waiting for me to pull them out of the oven.  (Then again, my dogs are weird....they dig fruits and veggies more than the store bought treats. Did I mention they're weird?)

So after snacking on a couple (the whole tray), I finally realized what I had been missing! I couldn't stop myself.  They were the best thing ever.  Fast forward to now when I am personally tackling the grains in my diet!  I find that when I eat healthier, I start to crave healthy things.  I shop around the perimeter of the grocery store to prevent buying things loaded with crap.  I can't say that it doesn't mean I never buy crap....but I try to avoid it as often as possible.  Sweet potatoes are amazing because they are interchangeable with regular potatoes and if you eat paleo of sorts, you should know that regular potatoes are a no-no.

Anyways, the whole point of this blog entry is to share the super amazing, clean eating paleo sweet potato "brownies" I made last night.  Obviously they had to be good if I'm taking time out of my busy schedule to blog about them.

Whipped out the Ninja - boom!  Sweet potato brownies.  Obviously, I should point that they weren't actually brownies...because that is NOT paleo.  The texture was a tad different and if I would have kept them in the oven longer, I'm sure they would have hardened up a bit more but I liked them just the same.  I found the recipe on good ol'  Pinterest.  It's super easy and light which makes you feel less guilty about eating it as a treat.  I didn't have dark chocolate however so I added regular chocolate chips which makes this semi-paleo but obviously it's at your discretion. 

Sweet Potato "Brownies"

• 1 sweet potato
• 3 eggs, whisked
• ¼ cup Coconut Oil, melted
• ⅓ cup raw honey
• ½ cup dark chocolate chips
• 3 tablespoons coconut flour
• 2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
• ¼ teaspoon baking powder
• ¼ teaspoon vanilla extract
• ¼ teaspoon cinnamon
• pinch of salt

Make sure to boil your sweet potato so it's easier to mash.  Add all of your wet ingredients, blend...add the dry stuff, blend again. Bake that shit at 350 for 35 minutes or so and pull it out.  Let it cool off until it's cooled off  enough to not scorch the roof of your mouth or until it's cold.  Personal preference.  I liked it warm.  Enjoy your guiltless treat!

Also, enjoy reading about the health benefits of sweet potatoes here and here.  It'll make you feel even less guilty after clicking the links and reading!

Happy eating!

Xoxo,

Riley Writes.

I think I figured it out....

Two months....ewww.  That's the last time I posted.  And I think in that last post, I said something along the lines of "It won't be this long the next time I write."   Gosh, I'm such a liar.  By the way, did I mention those pants look fabulous on you?  *Snickering.*   Okay, actually, they probably do look good or else I'd see you on People Of Walmart.  Just let me have this small joke.

I had a revelation a few months back.  I wanted to share my knowledge and insight about thing I was learning in hopes that others would like to learn along with me.

Back when I was still writing on the confoundidt contraption of a blog, I was being extremely and incredibly healthy, eating lots of Paleo meals and just being all around awesome by going to the gym more.  I felt awesome, was taking my thyroid pills and constantly pushing myself for new PRs (personal records) which I was totally attaining.  Then I thought I was pregnant...but I wasn't (obviously) and I got off track.  I was upset, with a small side of depression and anger that my body isn't working like it should.  

I let my small "setback"  undo everything I was working towards.  I just kinda....gave up on myself.  I didn't care if I felt crummy after eating all that pasta and I sure as hell didn't want to go to the gym.  I lost weight and was excited to see the numbers go down...but it wasn't fat, it was just all that awesome muscle that lets me back squat 110, deteriorating.   (I know, nice PR drop...Hey, I'm proud!)

Yesterday, I finally went after a month and a half of not doing anything, making excuses and such.  I pulled a muscle while trying to do something I was easily doing prior to my sabbatical of self pity.  It was completely my fault, my pride got in the way of my body saying "No!" and I spent the rest of my evening complaining to my amazing husband who didn't once complain about me complaining.

So a few days ago I started taking my thyroid medicine again and then it hit me like a ton of bricks...instead of focusing on something that may or may not happen (because obviously it's working) < (that was sarcasm)...I decided maybe I should focus more on doing the things I want to and bettering myself.  Like school and more Crossfit and *drummmmm rolllllll plllllleaaaaase!*

I'm going to make Semi Paleo Cooking channel on YouTube!  Say whaaa?  Yup.  It has been decided.  Except I've never made a video before that wasn't my dogs acting like dumbasses or...ahem...yep, that's it basically.  I like to think I'm funny sometimes...and most of the Paleo cooking tutorials are super serious and it's 5-15 minutes of boring talk.  Sometimes I learn things though so that's good.  But I'm also not super serious and I am also not a good cook...so if I can make it edible, you can definitely do it!

I will answer questions, say things like "Should you be in the kitchen?  Assholes, out of the kitchen before I make purses out of you!  Here is some mo-fo-ing coconut flour I made from my own mo-fo-ing coconut tree, ya dig?"  There will also be inappropriate jokes about beating your meat and such. You know, things of that nature.  I'll be using recipes from books I've read, Pinterest and blogs I like to follow.  I'll only be doing recipes that I've done before or that I have a feeling are going to be good.

So, give me about a month and I promise I'll post my first video.  I'll be vigilant!  I'm going to get this done!

Xoxo
Riley Writes

To Err is Human, To Not Blog is Blasphemy!

So my last post was exactly 24 days ago.  Holy shit.  So I suppose I should do a quick recap on the things that are going on in my life, if you are so inclined to read it. :)  I've seen this done in other blogs so I think I'm going to follow suit the with format and hope for the best!

Doing:  Lots of Crossfit.  This past month has been a whirlwind of Crossfit Invictus.  It's been absolutely amazing, dare I say, life changing?  Zach and I were introduced to it by a friend and I have fallen in love since the first workout.  It focuses on strength, cardio and skill building all in one session.  Couple that with our Wendler's 5/3/1 Olympic Powerlifting and you have a short workout that produces amazing results.  I haven't lost any weight yet, but that's because I am trading my body fat for muscle...so far it's been even.  I've been thinning out (Damn you pizza, beer and champagne!) but I've noticed the big difference in my legs. They're more toned, muscular and they definitely are helping out with my deadlifts and back squats.

Eating:  Lots of chia seeds and paleo foods.  I know, I sound like a broken record but I really have noticed a difference in the way I feel since switching back to paleo.  Of course, it's not a 100% all of the time but it's slowly getting there.  It's extremely difficult to eat paleo on an island where your $200+ in produce goes bad in 3 days.

Work:  Will soon be coming to an end.  I put in my notice last week  *Gasp!*  "But why, Rachele? Whhhhyyy?"  Going to work for 3-4 hours is an all day ordeal.  It takes me anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour to drive to work not to make my money back in gas.  A lot of places around here charge a 10% gratuity included with dinner because most people around here don't tip.  Luckily for me, my bosses give everyone an hourly wage however, that's what goes to my gas to get down there.  Not to mention, with Zach's schedule being so erratic, I don't get to see him often because we work opposite shifts.  I didn't want to quit, but sometimes (as I'm learning slowly but surely) you have to do what's best for you, even if you don't like it.

Reading:  After finally finding the library on base, I checked out seven whole books!  I have three weeks to read them all and for those of you that know me, you know it will not be impossible.  I've been reading a bit lately, here and there but I was in the mood for some really good reading.  So maybe I went a little overboard but I have a feeling since I don't work tonight, I will utilize the time to finish reading Waiter Rant.  If you've ever worked in the Food & Beverage industry, it's a must read.  I appreciate it even more, living here in Guam where you rarely make a 20% tip on anything. (Except from my regulars whom I adore.)  I have also noticed the older I get, the more I'm taking an interest in religion...not just one religion but multiple ones.  My drive to visit new places and understand new things is taking hold.  Including, what makes people tick, what makes them happy, and, you guessed it, religion.  Which I think is partly the reason I checked out seven books and bought three for my Nook.  I think overboard is a good adjective.

I realize that with my New Years resolution was to write more and I have been in the lacking for that.  I think it's because I have come to the conclusion that I'd like to start writing a book...but I'm not sure what to write about.  So, as for you, my most wonderful friends and readers, this is where I need advice.  What should I write about?  I'm lost as far as that goes.  So..help me, please?  Will a picture of a kitten help?

I'm not even a cat person nor do I really like cats.  I don't know why I just did that.

Xoxo
Riley Writes

Am I Crazy...or Just Drunk?

Disclaimer:  I've been drinking a bit...and by a bit I mean two glasses of champagne which equals a whole bottle and by the time this blog is through, pardon the misspellings and feel free to click the "X" on the tab at any given time if you feel uncomfortable or just irritated at the drunken rambling.  Plus, a lot of famous people have written some of their best "ramblings"  while drunk.  Calling Ernest Hemmingway and Chelsea Handler. Death in The Afternoon, anyone? - Google it.

It has been quite a long weekend for me, work-wise.  With the Superbowl and the awesome giant group of 20+ Australian Skydivers...one bartender/one server in an almost packed house, it's been a fairly lucrative weekend for me.  Long days, little sleep...ahhhh, the life of a bartender.  Glamorous, isn't it?  After this ridiculously long weekend, my amazing husband was amazing enough to stop by the store upon my request, to pick me up three bottles of champagne.  Since then, I have been ingesting champagne, o.j, and my guilty pleasure...To Catch A Predator.  Just trying to give you an idea of what you're in for...

COMMERCIALS!

What did you think I was going to talk about?  

Since I have been watching this episode, I have seen four or five different commercials for the most ridiculous products.  Seriously, who thinks of this crap?  So, without further ado, my list of As Seen On TV Ridiculousness that my brain has been marred by, in a whole hour. 

Undercover Watch.  Clearly, watches are completely out of style...I mean seriously, who wears watches these days?  Really...watches with arms to let you know what hour, minute or second...ugh, so last century.  And bulky digital watches?  With backlights...?  Pardon me while I gag.   So to combat the ever changing style industry, I bring you....(drum roll please)...(I said "please")....The Undercover Watch!  It's a watch!  It's a bracelet!  It's....something I wouldn't wear out if you paid me.  If, and that's a biiiig "if" you're embarrassed by your digital watches and such, look no further because with the Undercover Watch, you don't have to look at the time at any ol' time, you don't have to.  You only have to wear this ugly "bracelet"!  All your problems are solved.  In fact, you if you're in high school and wear it to classe "by the end of the day, everyone wanted one."  

Big Hunka Bear -Click the link (You know you wanna).  Size does matter, if you were curious.  The bigger the bear, the more you love your Valentine.  Also, every grown woman who possibly owns 30 cats in a studio apartment would LOVE one.  She'll probably set it next to her other life sized stuffed animals.   If I were 5-10, I would totally adore something like this.  Since I am not the ages of 5-10, I cannot bring myself to adore the giganticism (probably not a real word) of a 4 and 1/2 foot teddy bear.  What do you do with something of that size?  I would probably rip it apart for it's stuffing (because buying stuffing on Guam is akin to buying a kidney on the black market...actually it's probably not but I never enjoy a trip to Ben Franklin here,).  But seriously....If I were a husband or boyfriend, I would rue the day I sent that to my Valentine...and now I realize that that bear my be the PERFECT gift for my husband who I'm sure, would abhor such a gift.  Happy Balentines (I know there is a "B" there, I prefer it that way) Day my darling love muffin!  

___________________________________________________

Okay so since I am officially on my second bottle, I can't seem to remember the other two that I had to complain about.  Instead, I will give you a commercial I see every time we go to the movies.  It's terrible...on so many levels.  So, here you go http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdhcCWHgMYM.  You're welcome.

Also, I tried to look for the Superbowl Commercials because they were all "Does size matter?"  and "Is it really "that" big?"  Why are you being so dirty?  They were talking about data plans!  It was the same four commercials over and over and over again for the whole duration of the Superbowl.  

On another note...how about that Beyonce half time show? :) 

Xoxo

Riley Writes

In or Out?

We aren't just talking about belly buttons.  If you have children, I'm sure you say this all day, every day, multiple times per 20 minute increments.  Except I don't have children.  Well, I kinda do.  My dogs....and they understand the concept of "In or out?"  better than most children.  They know exactly what it means act accordingly, most of the time.

I have this exact discussion with my dogs every. single. day.  "In or out?"  It generally only pertains to being in the bedroom or the bathroom.  Every day when I go to take my shower, they both stand at the door and paw at it when it's shut.  I normally keep it open but since we have had company, it's not really appropriate for me to shower with said door open.  I open it and say the magic words "In or out?  Your choice but you can only make one."

Henry normally looks at me with a sense of understanding and without saying a word he gets his message across.  "I don't want to be in there but I'll be on the other side of the door.  I really just don't like being in there with Hannah, she bites my face, tugs on my ears and I really just don't like being pestered by her.  I'll just lay by the door with my paws underneath so you can see I'm still looking out for you just in case you fall or get attacked by something."  So he lays down waiting for me to shut the door so he can put one paw under.  It's sweet and loving.

Hannah does just the opposite.  "In, out, in, out, in out.  OH MY GOD MOM, WHAT SHOULD I DO?  I CAN'T HANDLE THE STRESS OF NOT BEING IN THERE BUT YOU NEVER LET ME ACTUALLY GET IN THE SHOWER WITH YOU SO THERE REALLY ISN'T A POINT!  WHY MUST YOU PUT ME ON THE SPOT LIKE THIS? MAAAAAAAAAAMMM"

Lately it's been "Wait, I know this.  I know the answer finally.  Mom, I got this.  I know things now because I'm older and wiser and stuff like that.  In, out, in, out, in, out, in, out BATHTUB!  Right?!  Bathtub is a choice?  It was on the list.  I'll just sit here.  It's okay.  Bathtub it is.  BATHTUB!  Final answer."

Today she found the "other dog I hide in the mirror" while she was exiting the bathtub.  She ran around barking and acting a fool with her hackles up, from room to room, howling.  Things finally settled and I was able to shower...but I forgot to shut the door so I had some shower guests...knocking ever item on the side of the tub down.  It gives new meaning to "Don't drop the soap,"  because picking up said soaps leads to a cold nose somewhere and it's just an awkward situation for all of us.

This is my life. This crazy chaos is mine and I love it.

Xoxo
Riley Writes

The Trials & Tribulations of Being a Natural Blonde

"But Rachele, your hair is so dark!"

Yes, yes it is.  And I have taken great lengths to keep it that way.  I was born with white hair...well, that's not true, I was born bald, black and blue...an ugly baby of sorts and now that I have two other siblings to compare to, I definitely win The Ugliest Baby contest.  Anyways, as my age progressed, my color darkened to some awkward blondish-brownish-you-wouldn't-wash-your-dishes-in-it blonde.    I haven't seen my natural hair color since I was 12.  *Gasp!*  I still see it when my hair grows out and I even had a doctor who had just looked from my lady bits, look up from down below and say "Oh wow, I really like how your hair is super light and blondish up top and then medium brownish and really dark at the bottom. Black almost.  I just noticed it."  Yep, that really happened. 

For the past two days, I have been trying to call my husband.  "Call him what?"  Well, you're hilarious but I have been trying to reach him on his cell phone.  Every time I dialed him, I would get the same message... "We're sorry, the subscriber you are trying to reach does not accept incoming calls."  Today I was in dire need of getting a hold of him, I texted, I called..."We're sorry, the subscriber you are trying to reach does not accept incoming calls."  

Seriously?  So I alternated calling the home phone and his cell phone about 10 times.

Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring....hang up.

"We're sorry...."

Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring...hang up.

"We're sorry..."

"Oh yeah you're sorry?  You're gonna be sorry when I find out what's going on you little asshole of a recording, them is fighting words biatch.  You're gonna be in pieces, I'm going to rip your SD card out so hard you're not going to know what day of the week it is biatch..."  

So I text my girlfriend to call Zach to see if I'm the ONLY one with this problem....which I am. 

Ring ring ring...."Hello?"

"Goddamnit Zachary Tri-Rob Riley if you don't get your phone fixed or unblock me, I'm going to lose my shit.  I've been trying to get a hold of you all ghatdamn day and it keeps saying that stupid mother loving saying about how sorry they are that you don't accept incoming calls ghatdamnnit.  I'm getting very angry."

"Baby, I can see that. Well, I have had two phone calls since I have been on the phone with you, they've both gone through...you're the only one who can't seem to get a hold of me."

So naturally, I tell him he needs to delve deeper into the situation and take it to be fixed.  

You should probably sing this part ->"Do do do do dooo doing some work yeah, like working and making people drunk, yeah because it's my favorite yeaaaaah." (You know, to get the whole effect of me being at work)

Then Zach texts me and asks me to call his phone.  I call it..."We're sorry..."   ASL:JDFGJKWGEL:JSFWER#@$^$#%!!!! - Hang up and noticed something peculiar about the last four digits of his number.

That's when I realized....I've been dialing his number from the states.  Somehow the numbers got switched around (probably being in my purse because Lord knows I have purse dialed many a person).

Call Zach.  "Hooray, babe!  I'm at the phone place right now, did we fix it?"

"More like I'm an idiot...I may or may not have been dialing a number that is no longer in service since we got here that is of the Texas nature...may or may not....maaaaayyyyy or may not."

"Seriously?  I'm standing here at the phone place asking them to fix it because you can't control your own phone?"

"It's not my fault." - Which is basically my favorite thing to say when I know it's my fault because it makes me sound good.

Sometimes I wonder why he married me.  And then I remember it's because of moments like this, I try to keep things interesting around here and I think I do a pretty damn good job of it.

Xoxo

Riley Writes

Welp, here goes nothin!

I go in for my fancy pants sleep study tonight!  Woohoo!

...not really.  I'm not excited about anything except for sleeping in a Tempurpedic bed which is completely understandable because I get to be hooked up to a bunch of crap and have to ask for permission to pee and I get to be on camera all night long being watched while I sleep.  It's like 50 Shades Of Gray and Twilight  without all the good stuff.  I mean...ahem...cough cough, I did not read any of all of those books.  Oh my!

Anyways, hopefully the husband can get some sleep tonight. He's been such a trooper in talking me down when I'm being all sleep crazy.  For instance, this morning, I woke up on his side of the bed.  I never sleep on his side of the bed, that's why it's his.  When I inquired about it, he said "I dunno, you woke me up and orchestrated this whole big move where you rolled over me and I rolled underneath you because you wanted to sleep on my side of the bed.   You never do that, in fact, you haven't slept on my side since we left Pensacola."

Then I was all  "What was my reasoning?" and "Whew, well at least I wasn't sleepwalking/talking."

"Nope, you pretty much did that too.  You didn't have any reasoning, just insisting to sleep on my side.  Then you got out of bed and was looking around the nightstand for the light and the door saying that 'We are stuck.'  I kept telling you the light is on the fan where it always is."

That's when I came to and crawled back into bed I think.  I really am curious what goes on in my brain at night.  Hopefully this will give me some answers maybe?  At any rate, at least that rockstar husband of mine can sleep without being assaulted in his slumbers.  He really is a trooper and I should be more understanding when he snores once every two weeks.  I'm crazy all of the time and he still puts up with it.

If you're even the least bit curious about this whole thing, you can check back tomorrow and I'll have pictures and junk.

Xoxo
Riley Writes.