Ladies and gentlemen, we are a nation divided, a house split in two, a fruit basket with an apple and an orange (can I get an Amen? Amen!!!), lovers torn between themselves! This terrible affliction to plague our loving home. We are at a crossroad and it's looking grim. The mister and myself rarely ever disagree. We both have the same mentality as far as a lot of things go. We don't agree on politics but this isn't where this is going. This has taken a much darker road than I had assumed it would. If you can't take it, avert your eyes, it's about to get ugly.
Red Vines versus Twizzlers.
It all happened while we were innocently perusing the BX last week. As I strolled through the candy aisle, the beautiful blue box caught my eye. I grabbed it and then thought to myself "You know, I should get the big bag because I have a a gut feeling that I may have a hard time sharing." Miraculously, the large bag ended up in our little shopping basket. I don't know how it happened. It was like magic or something.
"What are these things? Are they like Twizzlers?"
I stared dumbfounded, at the man I thought I knew, the man I love. "What did you just say? How dare you take the Red Vines name and smear it with the Twizzle-word! How can we live under the same roof? I thought I knew you! I loved you!"
"Rachele, I think you're being a tad over dramatic....it's just candy."
"It's just candy? Just candy you say?! How dare you say that about the father of all licorice! Give me the bag right now. You're infecting it with your Twizzler hands. Can I please have the bag? I won't eat any until we have dinner maybe."
"Babe. I know you, you're going to eat a bunch of them and spoil your dinner."
"Who are you, my father? I want the bag, I promise I won't eat any. Besides, I'm an adult and I can make my own goddamn decisions, cry baby pee pants."
"Oh, you're an adult huh? Here, have your Twizzlers. I don't care."
"Haha, fooled you. I'm going to open them and eat five. Here, have one. Your life is about to change, angels will sing to you from the skies and unicorns will protect your dreams!"
I gave him a bite and anxiously awaited the moment that would forever alter our destiny as man and wife (not really alter it, just dramatic effects).
"Meh, I still like Twizzlers better. I've seen you eat three of those since we've been in the car. Are you even going to be hungry for dinner?"
"My stomach may or may not hurt but I think it's because I'm sensitive to gluten."
"Or it could be the fact that you just ate your fourth Twizzler."
"STOP CALLING THEM TWIZZLERS! AND THEY'RE NOT A GLUTEN FREE CANDY, OKAY?"
Then last night we were all sitting at dinner and he was admiring the package of Red Vines as it laid almost empty on the table. I told him that Red Vines is one of the largest and most popular brands of licorice, it's been around for over 90 years and it's the best that will EVER be.
"It looks like some sort of bad off brand."
Then we got on the Google Box Machine and saw something I cannot unsee. I regret to inform you that Twizzlers has been around longer than Red Vines. It doesn't change the fact that I love Red Vines.
Red Vines, I love you and I will continue to be with you forever. If you could make your candy gluten free though, that would be pretty cool though. Then I could eat 8 instead of 4 and not feel sick.
What's your opinion?
Xoxo
Riley Writes
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