Quick recap...nothing too exciting :)

Quick recap of the week/weekend because I still have more to say even though I already had two entries last night!  September is shaping up to be pretty productive so far but I'm sure it's short lived.  

Wednesday we went to the famous Chamorro Village which is a little market in Agana filled with amazing Chamorro BBQ, Asian food, a coconut crab on a leash, and little stands with sun dresses and knick knacks.   I got some BBQ on a stick, red rice and lumpia which is basically an egg roll.  The goal was to hit the gym once we left but I gorged myself and I'm pretty sure people were staring because I felt like Jabba the Hut while I was shoveling red rice into my mouth.  It was glorious, gratifying and I'm pretty sure I ate my entire calories for the day in that sitting.  

Thursday, I made four new personal records at the gym, including my very first 140 pound deadlift so that made me feel like a badass.  Of course, I couldn't walk or get up from peeing for two days but who's counting?

Friday was the command picnic where I neglected sunscreen because it was overcast.  Some people just don't learn and I happen to be one of them.  On top of not being able to move from the gym, I also found it rather difficult to wear clothing because of my lobster like qualities.

Saturday we had a BBQ with the flight doc and the other guys that do the same job as Zach.  It was a lot of fun, the food was good and I made sure not to overeat this time.  It was difficult because the brisket was beyond amazing.  

Sunday was Zach's very first day of standing duty and I kind of like it because it gives us an excuse to stay home.  So we went to Home Depot to get paint and do some projects around the house.  I cleared my beautiful garden out because the rain had made it no so beautiful.  It has killed everything except for the basil which has refused to die.  I think I am going to give my basil a name.  William Wallace.  It's taking over so I am going to harvest all that I have and cut it down.  I also had to cut down my beloved tomato plants.  Extremely depressing.  

That about sums it up.  

Xoxo

Riley Writes

You can't win/domesticate them all

Happy September & Labor Day Weekend.  I hope the food was plentiful and the rest was restful!  Quite a busy week at the Riley Residence if I do say so myself.  Ever since moving to Pensacola, I have worked in the food/bar/restaurant industry and if any of you know what that's like, you'll know the schedules are extremely unforgiving and more often than not...the best holidays are the busiest and hardest to request off.  This year was the first year I was actually able to appreciate and celebrate a Labor Day weekend without having to work because I am a stay at home partially domesticated bad-ass who still cannot drive a manual vehicle.

With that being said, Friday, Zach had a command picnic he needed to attend and being the dutiful and amazing wife I am, I attended as well.  Since the event was catered, the squadron FRG (Family Readiness Group where I have never been to a meeting but I am a part of via Facebook) had asked on their page if the ever so wonderful spouses (including me because I am, in fact, wonderful) to make desserts.   I was alllllll over it, I decided to make Cake Batter Rice Krispie Treats and my all time favorite cake recipe I discovered two months ago, Hersey's Chocolate Cake.  I made the cake for our birthday extravaganza and it was a hit!  It stayed moist, delicious and is quite mouth watering.  So I was all "Oh, I can make that cake because I'm awesome at it and everyone will love the Cake Batter Rice Krispies because you can't mess those up even if you DON'T read the directions all the way through."  I knew I had the cake down so I didn't make a test run of that because you can't really mess it up.  You're probably thinking "You can't mess up rice kripies either dumbass..."   Well, in this case, you would be wrong.

There is such a thing as overcooking your marshmallows.  It makes the rice krispies hard and not edible depending on how much you like your gums because it turns the rice krispies into jagged little gum killers.  I can be pretty determined when I want to be and I was pretty determined to eat those rice krispies.  I did.  You know what?  I couldn't eat anything hard for two days because of the damage inflicted upon my sweet and tender loving gums.  I nailed the second batch but we'll get there in due time.

When we moved in, the previous people that lived here left a glass cutting board and a mini muffin tin plus a colored pencil but I didn't keep that.  Thursday while I was preparing my batter to make this amazing cake, I had an aha moment!

"Since there will be lots of people at this picnic, I'll make mini cupcakes instead! They'll go farther and I'll be famous!  Oh....but I don't have any mini cupcake papers *Sad face*  That's okay!  I'll just use Pam and flour like they did in the good ol' days!  Rachele, you are one brilliant sexy beast and you're really really ridiculously good looking in those rainboots and apron you made 5 years ago with your stick figure self portrait and name spelled incorrectly."

In most homes I have lived in, the heat from the oven radiates up to the top of the stove.  Actually...I think all of the homes.  Before I made the batter, I made the rice krispie treats and of course, put them on the "only" counter space I had available.  You know, the top of the stove.  Also, I like to sing to myself.  If you know me at all, you know I make up songs for everything.  Like New Girl except I have been doing it since waaaay before the show came on tv.

"La de da doooo da makin mini cupcakes sucks.  Doooooo deee daaaaahhhh this is really tedious, havin to wash the pan out each time yeah.  I hate your face mini cupcake tin yeah.  I hope you kinda die in the dishwasher yeah because I'm not cleanin you up no mo yeah.  Why is there always a miiiiiddddget cupcake in the tin because you can't win em all ohhhh yeaaaaah."

Zach: "Hey babe, are you in there singing about making cupcakes?"

"Mind your own damn business Riley.  I'm in my kitchen and not all up in yo business out there. Why you tryna be up in my grill while I'm making mini cupcakes yo? You is actin a fool dawg."

Zach: "Jesus, some days I wonder why exactly I married you."

But he said it while he was laughing which leads me to believe he was partially joking.  98.5% of the conversations between my husband and myself are something of the above nature.  Never a dull moment, I tell you!

Anyways, so after about 75 of these mini cupcakes (roughly two hours) are made, I realize the rice krispies are still on top of the oven but by the time I get there, it's too late.  The marshmallows were melted down to the bottom.  Once they cooled off, they were unable to be salvaged and sent to live out the rest of their days on the counter, alone in the world with no friends.

I frost the mini cupcakes, dabbling in a few here and there along with my husband for quality control.  We couldn't have anyone getting sick now, could we?

"I haaaate frosting mini cupcakes yeahhhhh.  Mini cupcakes, you're the deeeeevilllll and never again yeaaaaah."

* Some Mature/Inappropriate Subject Matter That is Detrimental to Getting You To Understand The State of My Mini Cupcakes.  If you're offended easily, you should shy away from the last two sentences.

The next morning, we wake up bright and early to head to the beach.  I prayed for a safe arrival at our destination. They got smooshed all to hell annnnd the frosting melted and it may or may not have looked rather inappropriate but we won't discuss that any further...the frosting was white.  Draw your own mature conclusions.

"I quit, I'm done.  I'm never showing my face at an FRG meeting, I'm going back to bartending and cooking mac n cheese in the microwave.  I am sure I will never be domesticated fully. I'm not cut out for this Suzy Homemaker crap.  I don't even separate my colors when I do laundry!  I'm like a wolf, I can be a pet but in the end, I'm still a wild and rabid creature who hates to fold clothes."

"Babe, you're overreacting and being ridiculous. Why can't you just put them out there?  I don't understand why you're making such a big deal over this?"

"BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE (This is where you insert your maturely drawn conclusions) ALL OVER IT AND I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE PEOPLE THINK SOMEONE DID NASTY THINGS TO MY CUPCAKES AND THAT I ALLOWED IT!"

He's always the voice of reason but mostly because I think he needs to be because sometimes I'm sure he wants to strangle me.  Which is okay because it would be out of love and thoughtfulness.  In the end, they remained exactly where they were...in the bed of Zach's truck where I force fed a few of them to Zach's co-workers.  And by force fed, I mean I kind of guilt tripped them so I didn't feel like a complete failure.

I suppose you really can't win them all.  Next time I'm probably just going to spike the punch. That should make everyone happy.

Xoxo
Riley Writes

It's kind of a good look for me

So the link to this blog is Rileywriteswithcoffee.com but at the moment I'm drinking an energy drink. It's not morning.  I mean, it kind of is but not really.  I'm taking a break to share with you the conversation I just had with my husband after I went to the bathroom and saw that my pony tail is teal instead of black....the color of my hair.

I barged in the room while he was trying to sleep...

R: "Riley, did you notice anything about my hair this evening?"

Z: "Uhh...no?"

R: "Anything?  Anything at all? Are you sure?"

Z: "No. Was I supposed to?  Is this a trick question?"

*Turns on light.

Z: "Ohhhhh...I didn't do it if that's what you're saying.  Well I'm not the one that did it. It will come out."

"Oh yeah?  How do you know, did you get it in your hair?"

Z: "Yeah actually, it came out of my arm hair when I got some on it."

*Blank stare.

Z: "Hair is hair no matter where it's at."


And it's answers like that, that make me love the man I'm married to even more :)

Xoxo
Riley Writes

Never a dull moment at the dog park

I didn't really have too many female friends growing up.  It's not that I didn't want to, I just have an aversion to crazy girls.  I knew at a tender young age that "bitches be crazy".  No one told me that being married to someone in the military would afford me the same perks of being back in high school with the social hierarchy and drama that goes hand in hand.  Note:  There are a lot of women who think being married makes them in the military.  It does not.  Anyways, back to the subject.  I was sent to the Facebook page Overly Sensitive Military Wives by a fellow wife and let me tell you what, it's hilarious.  At times, it can be extremely offensive but if you know me at all, you should know that I love offensive things.  Also, stereotypes exist for a reason.  The point of mentioning that said page is that after you read this, you're probably going to click on the link and check it, which you should.

We are dog lovers and luckily for my husband and I, all of our neighbors are dog lovers as well.  It really is the perfect place for us.  Instead of making play dates for the kids because none of us have them, we make dog park dates and evening festivities including darts, dogs and beer.  Yesterday was one such dog park date.  For those of you who have dogs and frequent dog parks, you know they have rules.  Basic no brainer rules such as:

• Pick up after your dog.
• Make sure your dogs are immunized
• No Food (I think this one is more common sense)
• No Alcoholic Beverages (This one is ludicrous I tell you!)

Anyways, basic common sense stuff I would think.  Yesterday one of the regulars brought her dogs and her kid to the dog park and brought a freshly opened stack of Pringles.  Remember that rule I mentioned about not bringing food?  Apparently no one else does either.  Anyways, long story short, there was a small tussle between my neighbor's dog and the mom's dog because my neighbors dog really wanted a chip and kept jumping up to get one. Mind you, he's a tiny beagle that probably weight 30 pounds sopping wet and is smaller than my Hannah.  The mom's dog snarled and there was short and sweet confrontation over it.  You know, he was just saying "Back off my baby."  They pulled them apart and that was the end of it. 

You would think. 

All of the sudden, wild sobs start coming from the mother.  Then one of the other wives rushes over and says  "It wasn't your dogs fault, he was protecting your baby.  People shouldn't let their dogs that are out of control like that at the dog park.  He bit your baby."  You know, things of that nasty nature.

Wait, what?  My neighbor's dogs are a few of the sweetest and gentle dogs I have ever met.  He didn't bite anyone but this woman kept running her mouth while the other was sobbing like she just lost her whole family. That's when we decided to leave.  This woman is quite possibly the most ridiculous OSMW  I have ever met in my life (this far anyways).  It wasn't three weeks ago that HER dog lunged at a little girl, barking, snarling and being extremely aggressive.  Of course, in true OSMW fashion, you should blame everyone else for everything that goes wrong.  Because you're a military wife, it isn't your fault.  

Don't get me wrong, I have met so many amazing and strong women since moving to this community.  I'm blessed to have a support system of strangers who are so caring and wonderful.  So many people willing to help others, it's amazing and I feel blessed to be a part of this community that comes together to help people they hardly know.  

But I suppose you can't have an apple orchard without a few rotten apples and by a few, I mean a few barrels full.

Xoxo

Riley Writes

The (Semi) Paleo Rileys*

*Complete with links to amazing recipes.

Ahh!  Two posts in one day!  What is this madness and what is the world coming to?

Well, to answer your question, the more and more Zach and I get into Crossfit, the more and more we are becoming in tune with our bodies and realizing that what we're putting into them, isn't really helping us get the results we would like to see.  I call us Semi Paleo because we aren't that great with self control and eating complete paleo yet.  By that I mean, here's what a dinner conversation sounds like:

Zach: "Hey babe, what's for dinner?"

Me: "I planned this super awesome paleo (insert delicious meat) that I found on Pinterest with (insert veggies) and a salad with stuff from our garden with that splendid balsamic vinaigrette that I made from scratch."

Zach: "That sounds great but you know what sounds amazing right now?  Beer and Pizza."

Me: "Oh man, that does sound completely and utterly amazing.  My taste buds are doing flips and I'm drooling down the front of my shirt.  But I already had made a meal plan."  Make sad face.

Zach:  "That's fine, we can eat that.  I know you work hard at finding delicious meals for us to eat.  It sounds great.  You're really good at keeping us on track....wait...what are you doing? Why did you go put the babies in their kennels?"

Me: "Oh this?  I'm getting dressed and putting my shoes on so we can go get beer and pizza.  Isn't that what we agreed on? Why aren't you changing out of your work clothes?  We just talked about this."

End Scene.

So with my super awesome self control skills, we eat pizza more often than we should.  However, we do try....we lack some impulse control. By "some", I mean large amount to be desired.  Example:  Last night on our way home from our completely killer workout, we stopped at a gas station to go look a little prepaid phone for Zach (long story).  I decided I would be better off staying in the truck because I know that this particular gas station carries my favorite candy bar at a whopping 280 calories per little bar.  It was just better that I stayed in the truck to prevent myself from salivating all over my face.  Except I didn't stay in the truck because my husband said he wanted me to come with.  Okay, I can do this.  While not looking in the general direction of the sweet delicious candy bar that tickles my taste buds with love and caramel....I spotted cotton candy flavored Pop Rocks.  Game over.  Zach looked at me like I was crazy and said "Are you really going to make me put that 90 cents on my credit card?"  I almost said "Well, I'm not going to steal it."  But instead I just looked at him and shook my head yes because there was no way I was leaving without them.

I spilled some on my shirt and legs.  I figured it would be inappropriate to lick them off of my shirt and legs (mostly because I couldn't reach).  But I thoroughly enjoyed all 34 calories and relived a bit of my childhood on the ride home.

Anyways, I have been making some awesome meals because of this paleo contraption. Last night we had an amazing Whole Chicken cooked in a crock pot along with some steamed broccoli.  I was patting myself on the back for such a delicious dinner....even though I was scarred for life because NO ONE told me I was going to have to remove giblets....what the hell are giblets anyways....from the inner cavity of the chicken.  Luckily for me, Zach always has medical gloves laying around so I basically preformed major surgery on that chicken because you know, I removed some innards and was wearing medical gloves.

My absolute favorite is the Stir Fry Beef Salad from Paleo Plan.  I love their recipes even though there are a few that aren't completely paleo, it places you on the right track.  I make mine with bulgogi beef which is basically a really thinly sliced beef used for marinating.  It's gets really tender and has a lot of flavor.  Mine would probably have more flavor if I didn't cut out so much fat.  I have texture issues.  My mother tried to tell me it was made from dog but I don't think they would sell dog at the commissary...I hope.  ;)

One other recipe I have tried that we really really enjoyed was balsamic rosemary chicken from Fast Paleo.  I love that site.  We had this for dinner on Saturday and it was pretty freaking delicious along with some carrots oven roasted with sea salt, pepper and a drizzle of olive oil.

Most of the recipes I find, I find on Pinterest because you know this little lady looooooves her some Pinterest.  You can follow my Paleo board if you'd like...I only have pinned around 7 recipes but that's because I only pin the recipes I actually try and love because I would HATE to be the type of person who falsely advertises pins on Pinterest. :)

So basically, you can follow me on Pinterest if you'd like.   If you liked reading about amazing recipes that are pretty healthy for you, I'll continue to write about our Paleo saga and give you tips so we can learn together.

Happy eating!
Xoxo
Riley Writes

P.S.  I ripped open the package of Pop Rocks and licked the insides while my husband stared and silently judged.  I ain't even ashamed.

Deck the halls with skulls and crossbones faalalalalala

Sooo.....my three favorite holidays are among us.  This will be my first Christmas as a married woman and also, my first Christmas on a tropical island where palm trees are considered evergreens.  I have no idea how I am going to decorate our house or if we really will get a palm tree in leiu of a fake tree because I'm sure that will be our only option.  I'm trying to arrange for us to have family pictures taken on the beach with our fur children.  Of course, one will be wearing reindeer ears and the other will be wearing elf ears.  And there is a strong possibility of us wearing horrible Hawaiian shirts/dresses.  Still in the planning process.

Also, nothing gets me more pumped for Halloween like browsing the Halloween Pinterest boards!  I can't wait to decorate our house for this too!  I love seeing all the kids dressed up in their cute little costumes and asking for candy.  It's adorable.  I love the smells, carving pumpkins, roasting the pumpkin seeds and hot apple cider.  However I don't think I'm legitimately prepared for spending my favorite holidays in weather that is 80+ at any given time....we will see.

Zach and I have decided to be Juno and Paulie Bleeker from the movie "Juno".  I'm not sure how many people will get it but we figured it would be perfect because Zach is tall and awkward and I'm loud, obnoxious and equally awkward which is why we make the best married couple ever. *Got the idea from Pinterest of course :D

Speaking of being married....my third favorite holiday is one that I haven't actually celebrated yet.  It will be our first official anniversary!  I hope it will be the first of many because I really like that guy I married.  He makes me laugh and likes to joke about my mustache.  I don't actually have one I think....according to the ladies at the nail salon, I do but I digress.  We married two days after Christmas in Colorado surrounded by our amazing families.  And had three very short days to be with one another before he had to return to San Diego and I made my way back to Pensacola.

9 months and a move across the globe later, we're as happy as clams with a home full of love and dog hair.  We can't wait to open our home to our friends for the holidays because we're you're this far away, friends become the family and support that you need.

Xoxo
Riley Writes

Nightmares of the not so horrific nature.

I very rarely have nightmares.  I very rarely dream about things that freak me out to the point I need to be cuddled with my husband to fall back asleep.  He's like a human electric blanket, I can't even sleep within six inches of him because I get too hot and can't sleep.  He radiates so much heat and  it feels like my skin is burning.  Normally, it isn't a problem because we've always been somewhere where it's a little chilly.  Here in Guam, it's a little to hot to wear my human parka.

Ohhh...that sounds baaaad.

I've been having some pretty vivid dreams for the past three or four months.  I don't know why but whatever.  The majority of them are vivid so it's something I'm used to now.  Vivid nightmares on the other hand...not so much.

The dream starts out with Zach and I being in his truck and his cell phone rings.  It's our neighbor that works with Zach and he's calling to say there is a monster on the loose in our area of housing and for Zach to bring his rifle.  Which is utterly ridiculous because not only can we not have guns on base, we sure as hell don't have any in our house.

We race over there and it's pitch black outside, Zach is stalking the monster while we're in the truck and gives me specific instructions.  "Stay in the truck and keep your eyes closed.  I don't want you seeing this.  When I knock on the window, unlock the truck so I can get in."  Also ridiculous because Zach's locks aren't automatic so I would have had to reach over and unlock the door manually but I would have had to open my eyes.  Back to the story.

I unlock the door after there are three raps on the window.  The door opens up and just as I'm about to open my eyes, there's no mistaking it.  It's the sweet smell of Sonny's BBQ pork with the sweet sauce on top.  I open my eyes and behold!  The monster is MADE of bbq pork from Sonny's and without missing a beat, it leans over and starts gobbling my neck.  I'm screaming and Zach is outside of the truck yelling out of sadness because I'm about to be consumed and killed.  End scene.

Then I wake up because I'm too flipping freaked out to just continue to be consumed by a 6 foot tail monster made of one of my favorite meals, covered in the most delicious bbq sauce I have ever eaten.  I tell myself "Seriously, the monster is made of food, doesn't have any teeth.  Go back to sleep and fight him off,"  but I can't.  So I roll over and go all googley moogely and whimper to my husband that I had a bad dream.

Who dreams about pulled pork?  Seriously?

Xoxo
Riley Writes