Someone explain this to me, because I'm just not getting it.

Women confuse me and I happen to be one of them.  There is one thing that drives me absolutely and utterly bonkers.  If you do this, I automatically dislike you.  There is absolutely no excuse in the world that makes this okay unless you're a toddler and even then, you're supposed to teach your toddler otherwise.  When I see this, I automatically wonder how it happens.  In fact, I have a hard time fathoming why it happens multiple times a day all over the world.

As a bartender, I have had my days where I've needed to clean bathrooms.  All the nasty stuff.  I can handle that.  But after needing to pee for about two hours but being so busy that when I finally make it into the bathroom...the last thing I want to see and/or do is wipe up someone else's melted yellow snow.  And it NEVER seems to be a little.  It's like not a single drop made it into the actual bowl itself.  Most of the time, I'm not grossed out (okay, I am and you can usually hear my profanities from a mile away) but mostly, I'm wondering what kind of dexterity it takes to get piss all the way around the toilet seat.  Like even in the back where normal peoples' butts sit.  Do you do handstands while you're peeing?  Or stand on one leg and rub your tummy while simultaneously balancing on the commode.  How do you do it?  I know when I sit my happy ass down, there is no way I pee so hard that it splashes up under my butt.  Do you pee so hard it's kind of like a rocket, propelling you up?

This is what I picture most nights.  Except its a drunk female wearing high heels and giggling while her friend's hold her up.  Does that really happen?  I don't know.  I do my business like a normal drunk girl after a night of being rowdy; with my head between my knees, huffing and puffing because more than likely, the bathroom is spinning like a teacup ride at Disneyland.  It's kind of like a roller coaster.  Keep your arms and legs inside the moving vehicle at all times until the ride has come to a complete stop.  

Or is it more like this? 

I believe this is called the "Reverse Cowgirl" and it's to prevent you from falling in according to William Shakespeare.  This is also the other thing I picture drunk women doing. Is this how this happens?  Someone please explain.  I've seen men's rooms with less pee on the floor and seat.  Or maybe men know that if you dribble, you should clean it up. 

Anyways...so that's that rant for the day.  I guess it's better than being solicited for sex.  Or agreeing to hang out with a bunch of Japanese bachelor tourists because you say "Yes" without actually understanding what you're agreeing to.

Xoxo,

Riley Writes.