That's what this post was going to be about...until I checked the mail tonight.
On my drive home from work, I had a massive internal debate on whether I should stop and grab a bottle of wine. I'm close to being done with my sugar detox so I figured since I didn't go the rest of the time without indulging, maybe I should now. Heck, I can go a few days without a nice vintage bottle of Wild Vines. (Just kidding, I don't drink that crap.)
In my head, it went something like this: "If you stop by the shoppette, you won't get the mail and you haven't checked the mail in like a week. Or have you? What day is it? Your shirts will be in soon so you should check. But will one glass of wine really throw off your detox? And by glass you mean bottle. You're not fooling anyone Rachele Riley, you'll drink the whole damn thing and complain about how awful you feel tomorrow. Just stop being lazy and check the damn mail. See, you've already passed the shoppette. No turning back now, because you're lazy."
Ugh, I suppose I'll go check the mail.
So I pull up and use the side door that is always unlocked. Which is what I always do when I check the mail at this time of night. I noticed my box was rather stuffed with things for me (mostly credit card stuff 'Hey, pay 30 dollars and we will increase your credit limit for a limited time only, but like for the past year because we like that we make so much money from you!'). So since I am not on any sort of time crunch, I walk down the stairs and make sure the door is shut. You know, the usual.
Get in my car, rip open a letter addressed to me and it feels like there's a card in there.
"Dear Member,
We've been made aware that your card has been compromised....ect. No one has stole your shit yet which is good but as a preliminary measure, here's a new card...."
Awesome. I just so happen to glance out of the window and notice a military police car is blocking the entrance to the post office.
"That's odd...but then again, I am here later than most people. It's whatever, I've definitely checked it waaaaay later than this."
So I pull out of my parking spot and exit. While I was waiting to pull out, I noticed another security forces/military police car barreling towards me head on with their lights flashing. So I stop and roll down my window and wait for them to get in their own lane. Awesome. I'm getting arrested for checking my mail. I knew I should have just picked up a bottle of wine.
"Ma'am...did you just come from the post office?"
"I did, I was checking my mail."
"Ma'am we are going to need you to turn around and go back to the post office. Park your car and wait please."
"What is this about? The door was unlocked so I went in and checked my mail? That's it."
"Ma'am the post office alarm has been set off. We aren't saying it was you but it has been compromised. Please turn around and park your car."
I go back and park my car and I'm waiting to be approached when I hear a voice over the loudspeaker:
"To the owner of the vehicle, please step out and away from your car."
Are you fucking kidding me?
So I shout back "Well what do you want me to do? Just stand here or head to you?"
Loudspeaker again. "Ma'am, if you could come towards me and step away from your car."
Holy fuck, I'm getting arrested for checking my mail. Approaching the cop car and all I can think is "Only me...this kind of shit only happens to me."
"All I did was check my mail! The door was unlocked! Am I in trouble? I knew I should have gotten wine. What in the hell is going on? I'm not trying to be an obnoxious asshole but seriously...what is happening?"
"Ma'am, do you have your id on you? We need to keep you in our custody until we clear the area. Apparently the silent alarm was triggered. We're not saying it was you but we need to keep you here just to be sure."
"Great, you're going to arrest me for checking my mail. My id is in the car, may I go get it and turn my car off?"
I walk back over to my car and notice them scoping out the perimeter. Of course it has been raining so the concrete is wet but I sit anyways because I have a feeling I'm going to be here for a while.
"Ma'am, did you touch anything besides your mailbox?"
"You mean like the door to get in? Because it's unlocked. No, I didn't touch anything else. What else is there to touch? Jesus, I knew I should have just got the wine. Ya'll are going to arrest me and I'm going to just tell my husband I was being drunk and disorderly to the gate guards because that's easier to believe than me getting in trouble for checking the mail."
"Ma'am, you're not in any trouble just so long as you didn't do anything. That door is unlocked so people can check their mail."
"So it's unlocked but it may trigger an alarm. Wonderful. Are y'all going to go through my car? Because there is nothing in there except for my mail...from my mailbox number 123464."
I hear him talking to the other police about my "story" and how I gave him my mailbox number. Then I acquired an onlooker.
"What's going on here? Can I go check my mail?"
"No sir, not at this moment. We are pending an investigation."
"Yep, and I'm being investigated for checking my mail. Be careful, you might set off an alarm and end up here sitting next to me."
"Ma'am, sometimes the alarm just goes off. We need to wait for the custodian to get here so it can be shut off and if your story checks out, you can go."
"Can't you just watch the security footage. I literally just got off of work, haven't checked the mail in a few days and I'm waiting for a package."
After about 15 more minutes, I was "released" and was told to go home. I chit chatted with the police officer who was very nice despite my sarcasm. I thanked him for being nice and went on my merry little way home...still laughing because like I said, this stuff only happens to me. Apparently this sort of thing happens on the regular, even during working hours. Charming...right?
"Sorry ma'am. It appears you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time."
"Yeah well lesson learned. The answer is if you ever have to debate about doing anything, just get wine instead."
Xoxo
Riley Writes
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