Never a dull moment at the dog park

I didn't really have too many female friends growing up.  It's not that I didn't want to, I just have an aversion to crazy girls.  I knew at a tender young age that "bitches be crazy".  No one told me that being married to someone in the military would afford me the same perks of being back in high school with the social hierarchy and drama that goes hand in hand.  Note:  There are a lot of women who think being married makes them in the military.  It does not.  Anyways, back to the subject.  I was sent to the Facebook page Overly Sensitive Military Wives by a fellow wife and let me tell you what, it's hilarious.  At times, it can be extremely offensive but if you know me at all, you should know that I love offensive things.  Also, stereotypes exist for a reason.  The point of mentioning that said page is that after you read this, you're probably going to click on the link and check it, which you should.

We are dog lovers and luckily for my husband and I, all of our neighbors are dog lovers as well.  It really is the perfect place for us.  Instead of making play dates for the kids because none of us have them, we make dog park dates and evening festivities including darts, dogs and beer.  Yesterday was one such dog park date.  For those of you who have dogs and frequent dog parks, you know they have rules.  Basic no brainer rules such as:

• Pick up after your dog.
• Make sure your dogs are immunized
• No Food (I think this one is more common sense)
• No Alcoholic Beverages (This one is ludicrous I tell you!)

Anyways, basic common sense stuff I would think.  Yesterday one of the regulars brought her dogs and her kid to the dog park and brought a freshly opened stack of Pringles.  Remember that rule I mentioned about not bringing food?  Apparently no one else does either.  Anyways, long story short, there was a small tussle between my neighbor's dog and the mom's dog because my neighbors dog really wanted a chip and kept jumping up to get one. Mind you, he's a tiny beagle that probably weight 30 pounds sopping wet and is smaller than my Hannah.  The mom's dog snarled and there was short and sweet confrontation over it.  You know, he was just saying "Back off my baby."  They pulled them apart and that was the end of it. 

You would think. 

All of the sudden, wild sobs start coming from the mother.  Then one of the other wives rushes over and says  "It wasn't your dogs fault, he was protecting your baby.  People shouldn't let their dogs that are out of control like that at the dog park.  He bit your baby."  You know, things of that nasty nature.

Wait, what?  My neighbor's dogs are a few of the sweetest and gentle dogs I have ever met.  He didn't bite anyone but this woman kept running her mouth while the other was sobbing like she just lost her whole family. That's when we decided to leave.  This woman is quite possibly the most ridiculous OSMW  I have ever met in my life (this far anyways).  It wasn't three weeks ago that HER dog lunged at a little girl, barking, snarling and being extremely aggressive.  Of course, in true OSMW fashion, you should blame everyone else for everything that goes wrong.  Because you're a military wife, it isn't your fault.  

Don't get me wrong, I have met so many amazing and strong women since moving to this community.  I'm blessed to have a support system of strangers who are so caring and wonderful.  So many people willing to help others, it's amazing and I feel blessed to be a part of this community that comes together to help people they hardly know.  

But I suppose you can't have an apple orchard without a few rotten apples and by a few, I mean a few barrels full.

Xoxo

Riley Writes

The (Semi) Paleo Rileys*

*Complete with links to amazing recipes.

Ahh!  Two posts in one day!  What is this madness and what is the world coming to?

Well, to answer your question, the more and more Zach and I get into Crossfit, the more and more we are becoming in tune with our bodies and realizing that what we're putting into them, isn't really helping us get the results we would like to see.  I call us Semi Paleo because we aren't that great with self control and eating complete paleo yet.  By that I mean, here's what a dinner conversation sounds like:

Zach: "Hey babe, what's for dinner?"

Me: "I planned this super awesome paleo (insert delicious meat) that I found on Pinterest with (insert veggies) and a salad with stuff from our garden with that splendid balsamic vinaigrette that I made from scratch."

Zach: "That sounds great but you know what sounds amazing right now?  Beer and Pizza."

Me: "Oh man, that does sound completely and utterly amazing.  My taste buds are doing flips and I'm drooling down the front of my shirt.  But I already had made a meal plan."  Make sad face.

Zach:  "That's fine, we can eat that.  I know you work hard at finding delicious meals for us to eat.  It sounds great.  You're really good at keeping us on track....wait...what are you doing? Why did you go put the babies in their kennels?"

Me: "Oh this?  I'm getting dressed and putting my shoes on so we can go get beer and pizza.  Isn't that what we agreed on? Why aren't you changing out of your work clothes?  We just talked about this."

End Scene.

So with my super awesome self control skills, we eat pizza more often than we should.  However, we do try....we lack some impulse control. By "some", I mean large amount to be desired.  Example:  Last night on our way home from our completely killer workout, we stopped at a gas station to go look a little prepaid phone for Zach (long story).  I decided I would be better off staying in the truck because I know that this particular gas station carries my favorite candy bar at a whopping 280 calories per little bar.  It was just better that I stayed in the truck to prevent myself from salivating all over my face.  Except I didn't stay in the truck because my husband said he wanted me to come with.  Okay, I can do this.  While not looking in the general direction of the sweet delicious candy bar that tickles my taste buds with love and caramel....I spotted cotton candy flavored Pop Rocks.  Game over.  Zach looked at me like I was crazy and said "Are you really going to make me put that 90 cents on my credit card?"  I almost said "Well, I'm not going to steal it."  But instead I just looked at him and shook my head yes because there was no way I was leaving without them.

I spilled some on my shirt and legs.  I figured it would be inappropriate to lick them off of my shirt and legs (mostly because I couldn't reach).  But I thoroughly enjoyed all 34 calories and relived a bit of my childhood on the ride home.

Anyways, I have been making some awesome meals because of this paleo contraption. Last night we had an amazing Whole Chicken cooked in a crock pot along with some steamed broccoli.  I was patting myself on the back for such a delicious dinner....even though I was scarred for life because NO ONE told me I was going to have to remove giblets....what the hell are giblets anyways....from the inner cavity of the chicken.  Luckily for me, Zach always has medical gloves laying around so I basically preformed major surgery on that chicken because you know, I removed some innards and was wearing medical gloves.

My absolute favorite is the Stir Fry Beef Salad from Paleo Plan.  I love their recipes even though there are a few that aren't completely paleo, it places you on the right track.  I make mine with bulgogi beef which is basically a really thinly sliced beef used for marinating.  It's gets really tender and has a lot of flavor.  Mine would probably have more flavor if I didn't cut out so much fat.  I have texture issues.  My mother tried to tell me it was made from dog but I don't think they would sell dog at the commissary...I hope.  ;)

One other recipe I have tried that we really really enjoyed was balsamic rosemary chicken from Fast Paleo.  I love that site.  We had this for dinner on Saturday and it was pretty freaking delicious along with some carrots oven roasted with sea salt, pepper and a drizzle of olive oil.

Most of the recipes I find, I find on Pinterest because you know this little lady looooooves her some Pinterest.  You can follow my Paleo board if you'd like...I only have pinned around 7 recipes but that's because I only pin the recipes I actually try and love because I would HATE to be the type of person who falsely advertises pins on Pinterest. :)

So basically, you can follow me on Pinterest if you'd like.   If you liked reading about amazing recipes that are pretty healthy for you, I'll continue to write about our Paleo saga and give you tips so we can learn together.

Happy eating!
Xoxo
Riley Writes

P.S.  I ripped open the package of Pop Rocks and licked the insides while my husband stared and silently judged.  I ain't even ashamed.

Deck the halls with skulls and crossbones faalalalalala

Sooo.....my three favorite holidays are among us.  This will be my first Christmas as a married woman and also, my first Christmas on a tropical island where palm trees are considered evergreens.  I have no idea how I am going to decorate our house or if we really will get a palm tree in leiu of a fake tree because I'm sure that will be our only option.  I'm trying to arrange for us to have family pictures taken on the beach with our fur children.  Of course, one will be wearing reindeer ears and the other will be wearing elf ears.  And there is a strong possibility of us wearing horrible Hawaiian shirts/dresses.  Still in the planning process.

Also, nothing gets me more pumped for Halloween like browsing the Halloween Pinterest boards!  I can't wait to decorate our house for this too!  I love seeing all the kids dressed up in their cute little costumes and asking for candy.  It's adorable.  I love the smells, carving pumpkins, roasting the pumpkin seeds and hot apple cider.  However I don't think I'm legitimately prepared for spending my favorite holidays in weather that is 80+ at any given time....we will see.

Zach and I have decided to be Juno and Paulie Bleeker from the movie "Juno".  I'm not sure how many people will get it but we figured it would be perfect because Zach is tall and awkward and I'm loud, obnoxious and equally awkward which is why we make the best married couple ever. *Got the idea from Pinterest of course :D

Speaking of being married....my third favorite holiday is one that I haven't actually celebrated yet.  It will be our first official anniversary!  I hope it will be the first of many because I really like that guy I married.  He makes me laugh and likes to joke about my mustache.  I don't actually have one I think....according to the ladies at the nail salon, I do but I digress.  We married two days after Christmas in Colorado surrounded by our amazing families.  And had three very short days to be with one another before he had to return to San Diego and I made my way back to Pensacola.

9 months and a move across the globe later, we're as happy as clams with a home full of love and dog hair.  We can't wait to open our home to our friends for the holidays because we're you're this far away, friends become the family and support that you need.

Xoxo
Riley Writes

Nightmares of the not so horrific nature.

I very rarely have nightmares.  I very rarely dream about things that freak me out to the point I need to be cuddled with my husband to fall back asleep.  He's like a human electric blanket, I can't even sleep within six inches of him because I get too hot and can't sleep.  He radiates so much heat and  it feels like my skin is burning.  Normally, it isn't a problem because we've always been somewhere where it's a little chilly.  Here in Guam, it's a little to hot to wear my human parka.

Ohhh...that sounds baaaad.

I've been having some pretty vivid dreams for the past three or four months.  I don't know why but whatever.  The majority of them are vivid so it's something I'm used to now.  Vivid nightmares on the other hand...not so much.

The dream starts out with Zach and I being in his truck and his cell phone rings.  It's our neighbor that works with Zach and he's calling to say there is a monster on the loose in our area of housing and for Zach to bring his rifle.  Which is utterly ridiculous because not only can we not have guns on base, we sure as hell don't have any in our house.

We race over there and it's pitch black outside, Zach is stalking the monster while we're in the truck and gives me specific instructions.  "Stay in the truck and keep your eyes closed.  I don't want you seeing this.  When I knock on the window, unlock the truck so I can get in."  Also ridiculous because Zach's locks aren't automatic so I would have had to reach over and unlock the door manually but I would have had to open my eyes.  Back to the story.

I unlock the door after there are three raps on the window.  The door opens up and just as I'm about to open my eyes, there's no mistaking it.  It's the sweet smell of Sonny's BBQ pork with the sweet sauce on top.  I open my eyes and behold!  The monster is MADE of bbq pork from Sonny's and without missing a beat, it leans over and starts gobbling my neck.  I'm screaming and Zach is outside of the truck yelling out of sadness because I'm about to be consumed and killed.  End scene.

Then I wake up because I'm too flipping freaked out to just continue to be consumed by a 6 foot tail monster made of one of my favorite meals, covered in the most delicious bbq sauce I have ever eaten.  I tell myself "Seriously, the monster is made of food, doesn't have any teeth.  Go back to sleep and fight him off,"  but I can't.  So I roll over and go all googley moogely and whimper to my husband that I had a bad dream.

Who dreams about pulled pork?  Seriously?

Xoxo
Riley Writes

Nothin' much.

I apologize for the lack of writing these past few days.  I have found myself highly uninspired this week.  Mostly because Shark Week was a bust.  Just kidding!  I'm actually rather unsure of why I haven't been able  produce anything that I would even remotely want to share with other people.  Maybe I have lost my mojo....or maybe I have been sucked into hours of watching Lockup: Raw on MSNBC.  Because I love that show and I constantly watch to make sure I don't see a family member or someone I know on it.  That would be bad.  I would call and tell EVERYONE I know.

This week has been uneventful enough for me not to want to bore you with it.   My darling husband had his credit card number compromised.  Someone in the United Kingdom spent over $600 buying office supplies/business cards/ect.  Who does that?  I could understand going on a shopping spree if I were the type of person to steal a credit card. Which I am not.  I stole fifty cents out of my mother's purse when I was a child to buy a temporary tattoo that my mother said I couldn't have.  A 500 word essay, a spanking and a good ol' grounding later....I haven't stolen anything since.  I feel bad if I accidentally take a pen from somewhere. 

Suddenly, my life seems a lot more interesting than whoever did the stealing because I would buy a stand up paddle board, I would go get a massage with the works, maybe a moderately happy ending (that means a little extra back massage fo' free) and then buy some super awesome other items from a souvenir store.  Maybe a seashell with eyes glued to it.  That's always nice and makes me happy to look at .  I would not buy six hundred dollars worth of business cards and other business related items.

We successfully drove both of our puppies to the dog park in the back of the truck!  This is a little major victory because we only have one vehicle and it's rather small to fit two adults and two dogs in the cab of a Ford Ranger.  Last week, Henry took it upon himself to jump out.  I put the harness on him in the event of that happening except it got caught on something so he just dangled with a terrified look on his face.  After I used my superior Crossfit skills to push press his behind back into the truck so I could get him unstuck. I couldn't decide whether I wanted to laugh or cry.  Lesson learned because he did great today!  Didn't even attempt to jump out.  Of course, the dog park is only a mile away and we drove 10-15 mph the whole time but I was still proud. 

Zach surprised me by downloading Short Circuit and buying me a Johnny 5 shirt from The Chivery.  We watched the movie on Friday night. I felt like I was seven years old again only all the inappropriate jokes made sense and I was drinking several beers instead of several juice boxes.  I'm still waiting for my shirt to come in.  I'm going to rock that mofo errrrywhere.

I really have nothing much else to say other than that I was procrastinating while writing this and just placed my order for two Post Secret books and one other book called "Other Peoples Love Letters".  All of which I have been wanting for a very long time.  Sometimes my frugality can get the best of me but my mother in law sent me a gift card for my birthday so I decided to put it to good use.  Nothing makes me happier than a good previously loved book.  Happy Birthday to meeee!

That is all.
Xoxo
Riley Writes

Oh Pinterest, you magnificent horrible beast, you.

Pinterest should be renamed to "Ijustspentthewholedaydoingnothing.com".  I think that may have been too long so Pinterest was the runner up.  I am not against Pinterest in any way, shape or form.  In fact, I'm an avid pinner.  I love pinning things and getting ideas for projects and motivation to work out and eat healthy.  It's freaking amazing.  Zach has been blessed with many a delicious dinner because I found something that looked mouth watering on Pinterest.  After I make said delectable morsels that do cartwheels on my tongue, then I repin it saying that I tried it and it was amazing.  Fact: I had a brunch a few weeks ago and everything I made was from Pinterest. Fact: this blog has taken me 10 times longer to write because I keep going back and forth between here and Pinterest. That's how much I love it.  Also, the word fact.  It is my word of the day.

I have noticed a lot of people don't do that. Try things before they pin them, you know.  A lot of people don't even change the wording when they repin things.  I see the same pins repinned from everyone who's friends with everyone else and they all say the same thing.  I feel cheated by false advertisement because it says they have tried it...but then I go to the original pin and what's what the original pinner had to say about it.  False advertisement.  Isn't there a law or something?

By the way....the wooden spoon over boiling water to prevent it from boiling over, it doesn't work.  Unless I wasn't doing it correctly, but seriously, how do you mess something up as easy as  "Put a wooden spoon over a boiling pot of water,"?  Unless I misunderstood the directions....which may have been the case because I don't read directions very thoroughly these days (I mean never do, ever).   Also, laying newspaper down over your garden instead of burlap to prevent weeds because it's earth friendly...Did I not follow the directions for that one either? Worlds best cookies with a secret ingredient?  I could totally taste the butter flavored Crisco, thank you.  Homemade jewelry cleaner that will get even the dullest precious metals sparking again.  Lemme give you a big ol NOPE!

There truly are a ton of great ideas on there though.  I'm completely obsessed with it. I have plenty of projects that have turned out and I act all awesome because I did it without letting on that I used a step by step tutorial instead of pulling it out of my (insert choice nether region). I like to find all the things that tickle my fancy and make me giggle.  Funny pictures, those ecards that seem to have one for every thought or thing that goes on in my life.  Also, when I see that people are following a board, it makes me feel like a bad pinner if I don't pin things to it.

The pins I NEVER get tired of seeing are ones with my past future ex husband Ryan Gosling (Because you know, I'm a married woman now so he can't be in my future.  We've talked about it and he says he understands).  He always tells me "Hey girl, I like your (insert Crossfit thingy)."  And you know what, I go back to the gym every day because he tells me he likes my kettle bell swings, my snatch and wall balls even though I'm not very good. I believe he also said something about six inches for seven minutes.  I think he was referring to jumping up after burpees but I can't be for sure about it at this juncture.  If that isn't positive reinforcement, I don't know what is.

Xoxo
Riley Writes

What a messy house! (Not a post about cleaning, because I hate cleaning)

If you'd walk into my house right now, you would think "This biatch needs to be cleaning instead of blogging"  and you're not entirely incorrect.  I'm not here to talk about cleaning, I'm here to talk about WHY my living room gets as disastrous as it does.  Now you're probably thinking (if you know me) "Did she have hoards of secret children that she hides from the general public and uses for things like weeding the garden and folding laundry?".  Why yes, yes I do.  Okay....not really.  I still have to do all that crap myself and lemme tell you what, even weeding the garden at 7:30 in the evening is too hot to be gardening in Guam.  And I usually don't start cleaning until after my second glass of wine....ahem...cup of coffee...?  I digress.

Puppies.  I have a case of puppies.  Two of cases to be exact, both adopted from the local shelter but not at the same time.  You see, Zach and I have wanted a puppy for quite some time, even before we got hitched and I made him legally bound to put up with my eccentric personality.  When we moved to Guam, we assumed we would get a puppy right away but instead ending up staying for a month with people we really didn't know.  I digress again.  I had been checking the GAIN Facebook page diligently even before we moved to Guam.  Like six months in advance because ya know, if I picked out THAT dog, it was still going to be there six months later.  So do a little fast forwarding and put yourself at the the 18/19th of April when I'm laying in bed with a severe case of brown bottle flu that has hindered me useless in every way possibly except for not getting as dizzy when I am on Facebook.

I saw the face I knew I was destined to love for the rest of my life.  It was as instantaneous as it was when I saw my husband for the first time.  He looked like a Henry and the name wasn't up for discussion  We went to the shelter and I fell in love.  "Walker"  had a twin sister and I wanted both of them but we didn't have housing so we really couldn't put in an application.  I pined away for them all week long til I finally told Zach "I don't even care if we have housing, I want that dog."  When we returned to the shelter, his sister was gone but Henry was still there and I was as happy as I could have been.   He was sweet, loving, playful and loved his mommy but something was missing.

A few months later, he had developed a terrible habit of going to the door acting like he needed to go out and when I would let him out, he'd run to the edge of the concrete to see if our neighbors' dogs were out there and if they were, hooray!  But if they weren't, he'd trudge back to the house with his tail between his legs and his head down low.  It reminded me of a kid who didn't get picked at all for t-ball (before everyone was included so no one felt left out).  It was so sad, I knew what needed to be done.

I told Zach we needed to go back and just "look".  Then he fell in love.  He didn't want to look around, this was the one he wanted.  He saw "Blythe" and he knew she would fit perfect in our family. We renamed her Hannah which also happens to be my sister's name.  I asked for permission...sheesh.  Hannah is spunky, obnoxious, stubborn, listens only when she sees fit and I'm sure if she could talk, she would be sarcastic.  Whereas Henry listens, knows lots of tricks and is extremely goofy.  Mirror images of my husband and I.

So right now, as I'm writing the last few sentences, every single dog toy is scattered throughout my living room, there are little pieces of white/brown fuzz all over the floor in varying sizes from a stuffed toy and Henry's dog bed.  The dogs are running around growling and pouncing on one another.  I have never been to a dog fighting ring but I would assume it sounds  something like the daily occurrence at my house.  It's perfectly imperfect and I wouldn't want it any other way....unless I could finally teach Henry how to fetch beer....I would want it that way.

Xoxo
Riley Writes